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“Transparent” recap (1.2): The Letting Go

Before we begin, I’ve got two words for you: Capri Sun.

Episode Two of Transparent made me cry, laugh, and then cry some more. It picks up right where the pilot left off, with Sarah (Amy Landecker) and Tammy (Melora Hardin) in Maura’s bedroom, caught kissing and suddenly faced with small talk because the tension has risen to an awkward high. Maura says it’s been a while since she’s seen Tammy and asks if her parents are still in Arizona. “Oh my god!” I say aloud at the sheer cringe-worthy hilarity of it all. The look on Sarah’s is priceless. She’s utterly confused about her dad’s appearance. With all ears and eyes on board, Maura sits down and explains that she hasn’t felt right since maybe age five, and this whole time she’s been dressing up-not as a woman, but as a man. Sarah’s face quickly changes and she’s smiling-it’s maybe not so dissimilar from a moment many of us have had, where we don’t want this special person confiding in us to feel like they’re out there alone or up on this weird pedestal. She tries to intervene. But Maura needs to get this out. Let her speak! She’s coming out-this is Maura’s coming out moment!

Later on, at her meeting at the LGBT Center, Maura tries to find one soul to join her for a “celebratory drink” at a local bar-she’s conquered this big goal. Well, one out of three. She meets a lady who offers they walk to her apartment and Maura is so in love with that idea. Sipping wine, Maura explores her apartment, touching knick-knacks and observing this lady’s lady space. She sits down at a vanity and her new pal tells her that every single one of her family members will likely disappear after she comes out, because that’s exactly what happened to her. Suddenly they both hear ambulance sirens. It’s discovered that a fellow apartment complex comrade, an old queen named Murray, has passed. As everyone emerges from outside the apartment complex, I have a thought: This is the coolest, queer-friendly building I’ve ever set eyes on. Forget Melrose Place-I want to know about all the drama that goes down at the Shangri-La.

Meanwhile, Ali (Gaby Hoffmann) is apparently sleeping with her trainer who she met at the park. I’ll go ahead and say it: “That’s one way to work out.” (Sex.) He has a roommate who’s just as buff as he is, and I get the feeling that Ali is perfectly OK with being in the middle of this trio. Just as she’s cozying up with this new romantic tryst/bod makeover, brother Josh is startled to find out his blonde Glitterish non-girlfriend Kaya is pregnant. She’s like, p.s. I’m having an abortion. At first, Josh seems to roll with whatever seems the “right thing to do.” He’ll pick up some Coldstone and rub her feet.

Sarah and Tammy are on the way back from their makeout-meet Maura session to discover that both their kids (and Tammy’s second and current wife BARB) are at Len and Sarah’s place.

In their backyard, Len and Barb (Tig Notaro) are chatting away about techniques on the grill because Len thinks that he can connect with Barb like that. Tammy and Sarah walk over to the fully loaded trampoline (complete with a basketball hoop?) to introduce each other to their kids. It’s this weird pre-Brady Bunch pheromone moment where their faces are basically saying, “Look at your kids, look at mine! We could do this!” Or maybe just Sarah’s. Tammy asks if they’re cool. They’re so not cool and cool at the same time, Tammy. Oblivious to all of this close-quartered secret lesbian non-verbal dialogue taking place, Len continues talking about how awesome Barb is because she plays golf and they can all travel together because he’ll have a golf partner. Barf.

Later that night, Sarah rolls up to Tammy’s after sending her a midnight sext. They cruise out to a lookout point, not too dissimilar from all the makeout spots that most certainly took place in old episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 because Dylan McKay knew all the best makeout spots in LA, and obviously so do the lesbians. There, they roll around in Sarah’s minivan with the seats down, spread out among blankets and pillows (because Sarah absolutely had bed linens in her car out of pure coincidence.) And then they go for it. Tammy puts her hands down Sarah’s “I’m not really jogging this late at night” shorts and Sarah’s all like, “Tammy, I fucking love you. What did you do to me?” Pretty sure that laying in a “puddle of water” isn’t a bad thing in this particular case.

Mom/Shelly (Judith Light) is having everyone over for what I’m assuming is a Sunday dinner of sorts and Sarah and Len’s kids are staying the night. It’s up to Ali and Josh to pick up the food at the delicatessen where mom will certainly be able to feel (by weight of the take-out bags) and Ali has added tofu schmear to the standing order. There’s even more Ensure on the counter now, Ed is staring at the wall, and there’s an unfortunate incident out by the lake with a flock of geese.

“What does the doctor say? What does the doctor say? “

I was raised by a Jewish father and a Jewish-converted mother. I get this family’s humor.

When Sarah and Len arrive at mom’s house, Len has no idea why Sarah is fussing about the car seats or the stuff he left in the foyer that he didn’t bring because he only does what he’s asked, which is yucky. Now his hand is coated in someone’s cummy late-night goop (sorry)-probably his own wife’s, because he felt the mystery spot on a blanket in the backseat. I can understand his confusion and all, but also, I’m sure his thoughts go straight to raisins and juice boxes, not lesbian sex. Sarah is picking fights with Len because, hey, she’s got the hots for Tam Tam. No, that’s an understatement. She not only has the hots, she has it bad. She’s having a crisis, and it’s obvious. No one has made her feel the way Tammy makes her feel. What is she going to do? Instead of fessing up, she tells Len about Maura.

Uncle Joshy has a change of heart about Kaya’s pregnancy after he cuddles and bonds with Sarah’s kids during his stay at mom’s. It’s obvious what’s going to happen next: He tells Kaya maybe she should hold off on that abortion because they could write music in the woods together and she could ripen into a fat peach. Kaya thinks that’s ridiculously crazy. But not as crazy as Josh’s marriage proposal, which he asks her by way of a ring from his family-connected back to a family member who lost her life in the Holocaust. Kaya’s reaction is, “Eww.” And Josh is like, “Eww to what?” He hasn’t even asked permission from his mom to use this ring as a proposal ring. That whole “what begins in chaos, ends in chaos” phrase comes to mind here. Give the ring to Gaby Hoffmann and have her sage it (cleanse it of its dark energies), or something. I feel like she’d know how to handle this one.

The episode ends in a flashback-the second we’ve seen this episode-from Maura. First she was imagining her life when the kids were younger and she was Professor Pfefferman in the Department of Political Science. She thinks back to that time in 1989, where she would open a shopping bag with women’s clothes and just admire it. Perhaps to keep her secret away from home, but the image represents so much shame and secrecy and vulnerability. Maura has had an interesting past few days-not only has she come out to one of her kids, a huge step-but she’s also on the verge of moving out of a home that’s been around for decades. She drives up to the house and stares into the windows, watching the reel play back in her mind again to that same image in 1989-leaving the university and dumping off the shopping bag into a trash bin, coming home from work to mom Shelly feeding the kids around the dinner table.

It’s a sad moment, because you hope Maura doesn’t feel too alone, and you hope she sees the beauty in all this change. But sometimes change can be hard, and the bones of our lives that we leave behind in familiar places just continue to exist there, even without us. There is still energy in Maura’s past, and I’m sure we’ll see a lot more of it. Still, I get the sense that Maura shows up to take one last look at her past before she completely lets it go. And then just like that, she lets it go.

Hey, follow me on Twitter, where I’ll post musings and future recaps of Transparent.

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