TRANSCRIPT: This Just Out with Liz Feldman: Jealous Girlfriends, Barbies and Shane

Episode Transcribed by: illmatic

Liz Feldman: Hey, it’s Liz Feldman so good to see you again welcome to This Just Out which is my new weekly kind of boozy, kind of newsy, topical show where I drink alcohol and tell you about things I’m fond of. I’m really excited to be doing this show. I want to thank Sarah Warn and AfterEllen and Logo and all of those other gay websites that I can’t think of…365 dot gay dot com and who’s that in my toosh? All those websites I want to thank them because I’m so happy to be a part of your gay family.

Here we go today on the show. This is a coup, I don’t know how this happened. I am going to be interviewing probably one of the most legendary lesbians, "fictitious lesbians" of all time… Shane from The L Word…Holy what? What? She’s gonna be here Kate Moennig. Here’s the thing. I am so excited she is such a talented, attractive, sexual, hot, thin woman and I am really excited to talk to her. And you know what, actually I wanted to bring this up. Speaking of thin, a lot of people have been coming up to me lately and telling me that I’ve lost weight. Does that ever happen to you? People tell you, "No, you have lost weight." Here’s the thing… I’m not trying. Not on a diet. Had I been on a diet, then I hear that, then I’d be like, "Thank you very much. I really appreciate that." Because I know they mean it as a compliment.

But to me I go into this weird, spinning, self-flagellating world in my head where I’m like, "Oh so I lost weight. So I guess before I must have been a fatty fat fat-a-lot with an extra side of fat. And now I’ve lost weight and I better keep on this weight loss train that I didn’t know I was on. You know I’m on this train and here’s…" I don’t care actually. I really obviously care about my appearance I can’t put that much pressure on how much I weigh and how my clothes fit and what my body looks like naked. You know? I just went to a dark place. It’s fine. It looks good.

[laughter]

What have we got on the show today? Oh, oh, oh I know, I know, I know, no I don’t. [laughter] I’m going to check my notes. Oh, that’s what I was going to say. Okay. Sorry.

It’s hard to accept a compliment. That’s my point. My whole point is that I don’t know why it’s so hard, especially for women, to just like take a compliment and say a thank you and back at you. But what we do instead is go "oh no, no." Like if somebody’s like "I really like your hair." "No, you don’t, this thing, this helmet? Eff this I hate this thing… I can’t do anything." Why do we go into this whole spin where we like can’t accept a compliment. We could just say thank you and the whole conversation would be over and you could get back to eating your cheeseburger because you’re a fatty, fat, fat-a-lot.

I’ve been asking these sort of tough questions to myself because I’ve been reading this book which I swear to the G-d has changed my life. Can I have that book? Thank you so much. This is the book. It’s called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Now, I don’t know if that’s how you say his name but I said it with confidence and I feel like that’s all that should count. By the way, if you don’t know how to say somebody’s name, just say it confidently. Like if you’re not sure if it’s Mar-a or Ma-ra just be like, "Yo Mara," confidently, you know, and just go with it and they’ll be like you know what? She really meant it.

Anyway this is this book it’s called A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. I am not going to pretend like I like scoured the bookshelves and found this thing. I got this from Oprah because I bow to the throne of Oprah. She’s amazing. This is on her booklist. It’s a soft cover book. You can get it for $14 or free if a friend buys it for you. And that’s how I got this actually my really good friend, Kelly, got this for me as an early birthday present. My birthday’s in a few weeks…May 21st, whatever. And I just want to say that this has been an amazing birthday present and not that it gets you out of buying me like a real present. You know, because I can’t wear this book. [laughter] A little bit about the book, though. It actually, I mean sincerely, it really has changed my life. It’s just an amazing book and it really makes you take a look at yourself and the way your brain works. If you’re in sort of a tough spot in your life and you can’t really figure out sort of where to go next this book I swear will change your life. I’m a very optimistic sort of to a fault positive sort of person and I really think if everybody read this book [bleep] would be cool. Sorry, you’re going to have to bleep that out.

[laughter]

What is next? What are we doing next? Raimy, Raimy what are we doing? Oh Raimy. Raimy, here’s the thing; I am not a cool person. I can sort of pretend like I am. I can wear a fancy, blue, velvet blazer that I got for $5.99 and pretend like I’m cool. But I’m not. I’m just like the most average person. Truly.

But I have a lot of friends that are cool. You know how you have that like one friend that’s the coolest person and they always are listening to the coolest music and always look cool and everything they do is cool and like you feel cool when you’re like with them but as soon as you step out of their shadow you’re like I can’t believe what a lame ass I am. Let me get back to them. This is my friend Raimy.

Liz: Now do you feel a little bit of pressure because I’ve like built you up as like this super cool person?

Raimy: A little bit… yeah.

Liz: A little bit.

Raimy: I might trip later.

Liz: It’s fine. I got them. Listen cool people trip, you know? Cool people make mistakes.

Raimy: Cool people trip all the time.

Liz: Put on your white glasses and show them how cool you are.

Raimy: I live in Silver Lake. I live in Silver Lake.

Liz: And you know what that means. [whistle] You actually probably don’t if you live in another country or some other part of the world then Silver Lake is a very cool neighborhood.

Raimy: It’s very hip like my sunglasses.

Liz: How many times can I say cool? Not sure.

Raimy: You should drink every time you say it.

Liz: Uh oh. Raimy what are you listening to now? What should everybody be listening to on their iPods and their mp3 players and their mp4 and 5 players?

Raimy: Well, summer mix.

Liz: Summer mix?

Raimy: Summer mix.

Liz: Give us your summer mix.

Raimy: Jealous Girlfriends.

Liz: Jealous Girlfriends.

Raimy: Just out last week, April 24th.

Liz: Them I know. Them I love. They’re fantastic. That lead singer is very hot.

Raimy: The lead singer is very hot. They’re from Brooklyn. They’re on Good Fences.

Liz: Raimy, do you know who else is from Brooklyn?

Raimy: You’re from Brooklyn.

Liz: And you know who else is from Brooklyn?

Raimy: I’m from Brooklyn. We’re both from Brooklyn.

Liz: You’re from Brooklyn. We’re from Brooklyn. People who are from Brooklyn love to tell you they’re from Brooklyn. What else?

Raimy: Well, they’ve been on The L Word.

Liz: Oh, okay. Awesome.

Raimy: They were featured on The L Word. I think season 2.

Liz: Do you know who else is on The L Word? Shane.

Raimy: Who’s that?

Liz: You’ll see.

Raimy: Okay.

Liz: Alright.

Raimy: I’m also listening to Santo Gold — saw her play.

Liz: Pardon?

Raimy: Santo Gold.

Liz: Santo Gold. Okay, good.

Raimy: Another someone from Brooklyn.

Liz: Oh, really?

Raimy: Yeah.

Liz: Cool.

Raimy: Actually she’s from Flatbush.

Liz: That’s serious.

Raimy: She is serious. You’ll probably find her midway between like Karen O and MIA.

Liz: Right, right. Who are those people? I love that… she’s that person who’s like you know that band Oven Mitt Pants Face and you’re like no actually I don’t. And she’s like well, no, no they’re like a cross between Table…Mat…Brain…Man and the T-Shirt Factory. And you’re like what? I don’t know who any of these people are.

Raimy: T-Shirt Factory would be a good name for a band.

Liz: That would be a good name for a band.

Raimy: Okay, Santo Gold, Jealous Girlfriends-

Liz: Santo Gold, Jealous Girlfriends.

Raimy: And the third pick for the week is Hercules and I — oh no — Hercules and Love Affair.

Liz: Hercules and Love Affair.

Raimy: I don’t think it’s out.

Liz: Are those two different bands?

Raimy: This is one band.

Liz: Called Hercules and Love Affair. Go for it. You know what I mean? Pick a title and roll with it.

Raimy: This is a very Brooklyn-centric listing this week.

Liz: That’s alright.

Raimy: They’re also from Brooklyn. It’s the guys from DFA and Anthony and the Johnsons.

Liz: I have no idea what she’s talking. It is like you are speaking Iranian. Is that a language? No, I don’t think it is.

Raimy: I think they speak Farsi, no?

Liz: Do they speak Farsi? You would know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.

Raimy: You want to just wear the white sunglasses?

Liz: Why don’t I just wear the white sunglasses? Hello? Hello?

Raimy: There we go.

Liz: Why am I saying hello? I can see and hear perfectly clearly. You were telling me something. I brought up Iran actually because you were telling me… Raimy spends a lot of time on the internet.

Raimy: That’s because I don’t have a job.

Liz: Whatever. You know maybe that’s where she likes to be. You were telling me that you saw this article about the…

Raimy: Barbie Dolls.

Liz: Barbie Dolls in Iran. So they’re basically banning Barbie Dolls in Iran.

Raimy: They don’t want the Barbie Dolls there.

Liz: They don’t want Barbie Dolls there.

Raimy: They are not supportive of the Barbie there.

Liz: Okay and why?

Raimy: Um, they don’t like us.

Liz: They don’t like us. I am not a Barbie Doll. Didn’t I just say that? Trust me because my head actually I can keep my head up

Raimy: I don’t know if they don’t like us. I just said that.

Liz: Why would you say that? Now we’re going to get comments from all of the lesbians in Iran who don’t watch the show because they’re probably not allowed to. If you are watching, if you’re a lesbian in Iran and you’re watching this show right now —

Raimy: God Bless You.

Liz: God Bless You. I… Alah Bless You if he does that. I believe in God. I’m just going to say it. I do. [unintelligible]

Raimy: We were talking. We have a healthy solution to the Barbie Doll.

Liz: Oh yeah we do. This is why we bring this up. Okay so they don’t want Barbie Dolls there.

Raimy: They don’t want Barbie Dolls there.

Liz: Where is that Barbie Doll somebody made for me? This is funny. I have my own Barbie Doll for some reason. This is the Liz Barbie Doll which is because you know what I do a lot is show my belly. [laughter] That’s what I do a lot. Another thing I do a lot is cut bangs and then regret them. [laughter] That’s what I do a lot. But, I love this. My friends made this for me. God I love this Barbie Doll. So here’s what we’re thinking, listen, if you have a Barbie Doll in Iran and you don’t want to get caught just do this, just do this. Okay, here wait let’s just…just one second it’s all happening. It’s all happening. It’s all happening. What?

Raimy: You can’t even tell.

Liz: You can’t even tell. Who’s that lady she looks like all the other ladies?

Raimy: She looks like the Dara and Sara dolls they introduced to counter the Barbie Doll.

Liz: Oh right, right, right. Was it the government or some company in Iran introduced two new dolls that are sisters right?

Raimy: Twins.

Liz: Twins.

Raimy: Dara and Sara. Not to be confused with Tegan and Sara.

Liz: Because that’s more wholesome.

Raimy: Dara and Sara.

Liz: Yeah Dara and Sara. I love the idea that they’re trying to be more wholesome so they introduce adorable twin sisters because I’ve never seen a porn with that as the main storyline. Yes I have, yes I have. Here’s the thing, you take this to Iran you’re fine. You’re fine. Well, Raimy thank you very much. I think we’re going to see you again on the show.

Raimy: I hope so.

Liz: If you love Raimy, let her know, let her know. Leave her a comment. She’s a wonderful-

Raimy: I can hear you clapping, too, through the camera.

Liz: Yeah, you can hear yes that’s the new technology. Would you guys clap for Raimy?

[clapping]

Liz: Thank you so much.

Raimy: Thank you so much.

Liz: I’m so happy that I’m friends with you. That’s the truth.

Raimy: I’m happy we’re both…

Liz: Now let’s get serious. It’s time to show you something really important that I found at a theme park that has a rodent oriented theme in the park. You know what I’m saying. They are selling these and I am so glad because I saw kids walking around with this and I was so excited. Ladies and gentlemen it’s a gay sword. Can you get that in the camera? Can you get that? Look at that, what? And you’re gay and you’re gay. And I anoint you to be gay. By the power of Gayskull.

Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know about that. Did I do the…what happened? Where did I what? What does this mean? Oh like this? Oh excuse me pardon. You see this? Can you see that? Let me just tuck that back in. Can see that? You getting that? Let me just tuck that back in…this is the most sexual thing I’ll do on the whole show. Let me tuck that back in. Oh, wait this just in. Did I do this bit yet? This just in…this just in. Okay, alright evidently I am not listening to anything. Okay. Alright, we don’t have the budget for that kind of thing. There is nothing in my ear. Right. Very good. I am just nodding arbitrarily. Um huh. Now I’m going um huh. Um huh, alright and I am just doing this okay because I have an irrational fear that my ear is bleeding.

So we’re good. So this is a low budget situation and by low budget I mean no budget and by no budget I mean I actually have to pay to do the vlog. So let me just get this. I got it, okay, I got it. So, here’s 21 for you and 20 for the host. I think I just gave my booby a paper cut. By the way, I only call this one a booby; this one is a breast. You know because they’re different. Somebody should tell Shane, by the way, that she actually has to pay to be interviewed on this show. It’s a suggested donation of a $100,000.

[laughter]

Think that’s cool? I honestly am so amazingly excited to have this person come and sit with me at my kitchen table. She is like I said before she is probably one of the most iconic, legendary, classic, "fictitious lesbians" of all time. Shane McCutcheon. I’m sorry Kate Moennig.

[clapping]

Liz: Come on. Come on. Oh my God It’s you.

Kate: Hi. Good to see you.

Liz: It’s you. It’s Shane from The L Word.

Kate: Or Kate, yeah.

Liz: Shaney. Shane. Wow okay. Shane McCutcheon. Shane McCutcheon, why is your last name so weird? Couldn’t you go with like Jones or Smith? Had to go with McCutcheon?

Kate: Uh, well that’s just the character name and I didn’t name it so-

Liz: Good point because your father’s name was McCutcheon and your grandfather’s name and you don’t choose that kind of thing, you know. So Shane, do you think about sex all the time or just all of it.

Kate: You know Liz I’ve got to tell you my name’s Kate or Katherine but people call me Kate usually.

Liz: Okay Shane, Kate.

Kate: Whatever works but usually it’s just Kate.

Liz: Here’s the thing you have a reputation for being a little bit of a lothario um did you go to sex school?

Kate: Um, well.

Liz: Okay, let’s just be honest.

Kate: I didn’t personally.

Liz: Right.

Kate: Not me Kate. I didn’t do that but the person I play on TV maybe. I don’t know but that’s not me.

Liz: Okay I don’t understand. Are you thinking about, right now, are you thinking about leaving a healthy relationship you’re in to have sex with me? Are you thinking about it?

Kate: At this present moment?

Liz: It’s a little early in the interview.

Kate: That’s true. Give it another five minutes and then ask me again.

Liz: Seriously? Somebody time that. Thank you.

Kate: Yeah.

Liz: Can I get you a beer?

Kate: Um, yeah I’d love it.

Liz: Somebody get Shane a beer please. Shane wants a beer so get it for her.

Kate: Liz, Liz really it’s just, it’s Kate.

Liz: Okay, okay, no I get it. Shane, why can’t you commit? What is up with you? I mean you leave Carmen at the altar. Have you seen her? She’s hot. If you haven’t seen her God d- she is hot. Why would you, have you talked to her?

Kate: Well, you know Sarah the girl who plays Carmen is on an entirely different show now. So I don’t think she’s thinking too much about it.

Liz: Okay.

Kate: You don’t get that do you?

Liz: What? Here’s the thing. I have seen your naked body and we to my knowledge we have never had sex. Is that weird to you?

Kate: Now that you brought it up a little bit.

Liz: Oh my God come here. Stay closer I just want to make sure we’re in the same frame. Is that good? Is that better? Is that better? Better?

Kate: As long as you know that I’m just it’s me. It’s Kate.

Liz: I get it.

Kate: No you don’t.

Liz: So, here you go drink that up. Drink it up.

Kate: Where’s yours?

Liz: I have it right here and if you’ve noticed it’s half way down.

Kate: You better finish it.

Liz: So if I am feeling comfortable with you…

[laughter]

Liz: I apologize. Now I talked earlier, Shane are you a reader?

Kate: Um, yes.

Liz: Um, great, okay. That’s good because I’ve never seen you read on the show. But I am amazed at this book I’m reading right now, A New Earth. Have you read it?

Kate: Actually, I’m starting to read it.

Liz: Really? Are you really?

Kate: Yeah.

Liz: I’m telling you everyone’s reading this. How cool is that? When you read it do you think of me?

Kate: I will now.

Liz: Oh my God. See that’s what you do. You say it. You put it into the present action and you put it out there and now she’s going to be like-

Kate: And now you manifest it.

Liz: I love that word.

Kate: Is that what you mean?

Liz: That happens to be one of my favorite words. I am not kidding.

Kate: Well it’s a very, very powerful word.

Liz: Aren’t you striking? Now your father is Eric Roberts everybody knows that.

Kate: No he’s not.

Liz: So what kind of aunt is Julia? Is she like a give you a present only at your birthday kind of aunt or is she like a calling you when she knows your having a hard time kind of an aunt because I love my aunts.

Kate: I love my aunts, too. Julia’s not one of them, but yeah I love my aunts very much.

Liz: Okay I don’t think she’d appreciate that. I have to say that you really are just like a hero like an idol not just for me but for I think like so many people watching and I just want to say keep it up you whore. I have always wanted to call her a whore.

Kate: But I’m not a whore.

Liz: Why?

Kate: Because I don’t do that sort of thing. I don’t.

Liz: Me neither. Who’s got a pen? Somebody give me a pen. Seriously, how many people…ow! Thank you. Okay, see when I say give me a pen like a maniac people give me pens like a maniac. I was going to ask you if you would sign this. Somebody give me something to sign! I drew a picture of this V hole earlier in the show. Would you sign this for my mother because she has the hots for you?

Kate: What is that?

Liz: Doesn’t matter just sign it.

Kate: Can you show?

Liz: No I can’t. Look at that. You know what that is I know you do.

Kate: I think, I think you should show it to them.

Liz: Can you sign that for my mother?

Kate: Alright, what’s your mom’s name?

Liz: Uh, Liz.

Kate: Liz, oh really?

Liz: I am named after her. It’s a thing. Okay and can you sign this one for my grandmother because she wants to [bleep] you.

[laughter]

Kate: You’re crazy there’s no way.

Liz: There’s no way?

Kate: Your grandmother.

Liz: Yeah she’s a top.

[laughter]

Kate: Thank goodness okay.

Liz: Okay, alright.

Kate: But you see there’s a K there. That’s a K for Kate.

Liz: Shane.

Kate: Whatever you want it to be.

Liz: Okay, I honestly wish I had more questions to ask you.

Kate: I kind of wish you did too.

Liz: I see. I see the way you’re looking at me.

Kate: Well you’re so charming. How could I resist?

Liz: Really?

Kate: Yeah. You mess up my name and you can’t figure out my identity. I mean it’s lovely.

Liz: Really?

Kate: Yeah.

Liz: Because I felt like as soon as you sat down I felt something.

Kate: Did you?

Liz: Kind of. I see the way you’re looking at me now and here’s the thing I just have to end the show first.

Kate: Okay, well why don’t you do that.

Liz: So…

Kate: Should I wait for you over there?

Liz: Please?

Kate: Okay.

Liz: Thank you. Seriously?

Kate: Seriously.

Liz: Okay.

Kate: Are we done now?

Liz: Well with the show.

Kate: Do you want me to get up now?

Liz: Yes.

Kate: Well it was a pleasure.

Liz: Thank you so much. Can I have a hug?

Kate: Yeah of course. Yes.

Liz: You smell good. You smell very good.

Kate: Thank you.

Liz: Wow. Bink. You know what I’m saying. How boy. You guys I want to thank you all for being a part of my very first show. This has been This Just Out with Liz Feldman. Somebody! Don’t lock the door. Keep her in. She said it was fine. I am so excited to return next week. Why is she leaving! Thank you. So excited to be coming back next week. I can’t think right now because you know where my brain is? In my V hole. I’m Liz Feldman you guys are awesome. I love you. See you next week.

[End]

Watch the episode here.

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