TRANSCRIPT: Dara & Karman’s Hit List: “Favorite Co-eds” (Episode 1)

Episode transcribed by: Er1e


[Take #1]

Dara: Welcome. This is Dara and Karman’s Hit list. I’m Dara.

Karman: I’m Karman.

Dara: And we’re going to talk about lists, because people love lists. We love
lists, everybody loves lists.

Karman: I love a list. I make a lot of lists, but I don’t really do what’s
on them.

Dara: I like a lisp.

Karman: You like a lisp? I can help you with that. I actually have a lisp.

Dara: Excellent.

Karman: Give me a drink and you’ll see it — or hear
it.

Dara: That’s a slur.

Karman: No, it’s a lisp. See, lisssp.

Dara: Alright.

Karman: Do you hear it?

Dara: Alright.

Karman: Any-Anyway.

Dara: What we’re not doing — well we should at some point do best lisps. Because,
you know… never mind.

[On-screen text: We scrapped that episode… Take #2]

Dara: Um… in the spirit of back to school, to celebrate and commiserate with
all you people who have to go to school, because you’re not naturally brilliant
like me and Karman. Um, you know.

Karman: Um, I don’t sponsor that. I don’t endorse that ad. But go ahead.

Dara: If you’re dropouts like me and Karman. Uh — no. Actually, if you’re back
at school, then this is for you. And our list this week is Top Co-eds.

Karman: These are our favorite co-eds.

Dara: Favorite co-eds from film and tv.

Karman: Think about the plaid skirt…

Dara: The knee socks.

Karman: Ribbon. Knee socks… This sounds more like porn.

Dara: Clutching their books. Braiding each other’s hair. Whatever.

Karman: Is that what they do?

Dara: Changing in the locker room for gym. A little sweaty field hockey action.
I stay away from high school. Twenty feet, now… Because I have to.

Karman: That is exactly what happened, too.

Dara: Okay, let’s get started, because you know we’re running out of time.
Let’s just go to it, go for it.

Karman: Alright, okay, alright.

Dara: You want to start?

Karman: Yes.

Dara: Okay.

Karman: Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls. Because duh.
I love the movie. Okay, love the movie. Smart and funny — Tina Fey, adapted
it for screen. And Lindsay Lohan… I just want to say that I liked her before
she was allegedly in an alleged lesbian relationship. And by like I mean love.
That would be my number one, because she was adorable and had red hair. Remember
when she had red hair?

Dara: Was it pre-crazy pants?

Karman: Yes, yeah. It probably caused the crazy pants because she got so much
popularity from it.

Dara: Right.

Karman: She was so cute. And remember it had the good arc? And the whole like
lesbian subtext?

Dara: Uh-huh.

Karman: She’s my favorite. So that’s my number one. Who’s your number one?

Dara: Oh, we’re starting with number one?

Karman: Well, it’s just… you know, we can start at number five. I don’t care.

Dara: Alright. I don’t know if I could pick a number one. But alright, if I
was going to go with number one… my top co-eds… and again, we’re talking
high school and college… Um, I’m going to have to say Buffy and Willow.

Karman: Yeah. I imagined you would say that.

Dara: And I’m sure there are a gazillion people out there who agree with me.
Buffy and Willow, they represent true friendship, they went through a lot of
stuff. Yeah, they had their fights and someone needed every square inch of their
ass kicked and at one point — But in the end —

Karman: Almost killed each other a couple times.

Dara: In the end, it’s all good.

Karman: Yeah… But if you had to pick one. Would you have gone out with in
high school if she went to high school with you?

Dara: You know what? I think I actually would have went for Willow.

Karman: Me, too.

Dara: Because Buffy was kind of like — I don’t know.

Karman: You like blondes.

Dara: Yeah… See, sometimes the nerdy-nerd quiet one is the freak.

Karman: The tiger.

Dara: Yeah, so.

Karman: The freak!?

Dara: She had a funny inner freak, for sure, and I love that.

Karman: I love that the FBI is going to come take our computers now.

Dara: Plus, you know, she was all with the magic and stuff.

Karman: Yeah.

Dara: She could do spells, and that could be fun.

Karman: Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Dara: Buffy would just kick your ass.

Karman: Yeah, I don’t think I would need her rage.

Dara: You know, she’s too — too… introspective. She’s too…

Karman: Don’t need her thinking all the time.

Dara: Teenage angst. Blah blah blah. You’re a bummer.

Karman: Buffy’s a bummer.

[Break]

Karman: I’m going back, I’m digging deep into the vault here.
The Crypt Keeper‘s vault. Blair, from The Facts of Life. I’m
not proud of this. But it is a reality.

Dara: Yeah.

Karman: I think she was like the first — well, I was going to say the first
femme I ever liked, but that’s not really true. She’s like the first teen femme.
I was always into like older women when I was a little girl. Like Dinah Shore
and Weezie Jefferson… I don’t really know why!

Dara: Nell Carter.

Karman: No.

Dara: Weezie Jefferson.

Karman: I don’t know why!

Dara: Well, Blair was kind of religious and kind of uptight.

Karman: No, she wasn’t religious on the show, was she? I thought that was in
real life.

Dara: Oh, that’s Lisa Whats-er-face, the actress.

Karman: Yeah, the actress who plays Blair.

Dara: Well, Blair was uptight because she was rich.

Karman: Yeah, she was snobby. But she had great hair…

Dara: Lotta hair.

Karman: Fluffy — she had kind of a mane going on. And she was just a tough nut
to crack. I think the challenge of Blair…

Dara: You said nut.

Karman: I did. The challenge of Blair would have been entertaining. And then
when Jo entered the scene, and all the tension between them. That was good tv.

Dara: You know what happened to Tootie when she got older?

Karman: She… outgrew roller skates? What?

Dara: Yeah, she, uh, she had twins… If you know what I mean.

Karman: No!

Dara: Tootie! C’mon! Kim Fields!

Karman: Like… she got… boobs?

Dara: Yeah!

Karman: Oh!

Dara: Big time!

Karman: She had twins. I thought you meant like she actually had twins! I was
like, huh, I don’t really care about kids, but okay. Good for her.

Dara: I’m just saying.

Karman: She used her reproductive organs.

Dara: Moving on!

Karman: Yeah.

Dara: I really like the friendship between Romy and Michelle
in Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion.

Karman: So you like the flashback sequences to their cooler days?

Dara: I like the flashback sequences. I like that they’re kind of outcasts,
but they stuck together, and they didn’t really care. I mean, they cared, but
they didn’t care. And it didn’t ever stop them from having fun and being friends.
And also! I liked one of the mean girls when they were in high school and at
the reunion she turned out to be really cool. The one who was into fashion.
And I think she might have been gay.

Karman: Huh. Who was that?

Dara: I have no idea. I don’t remember her name and I don’t
remember the actress (Transcriber’s note: The actress’s name is Elaine Hendrix
and her character was Lisa Luder)
, but she came back and she was all kind
of like Madonna in the Rain video. Like the short hair and she was like all
hip and trendy.

Karman: I might have to watch this again.

Dara: Yeah!

Karman: I just remembered Janeane Garofalo.

Dara: Chain smoking through high school like me.

Karman: With the fastest-burning cigarette.

Dara: She was a chain-smoking high school kid like me.

Karman: I did it in high school, too.

[Break]

Karman: On our list, we had this overlap on our list.

Dara: Mm-hmm.

Karman: The girls from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Dara: Yeah.

Karman: Phoebe — did you have both of them on your list? Because I had both.

Dara: Yeah, I did. No, I had Phoebe Cates —

Karman: Phoebe Cates and Jennifer Jason Leigh.

Dara: JJL.

Karman: Oh, JJL.

Dara: JJL.

Karman: So I had PC and JJL from FTARH on my list.

Dara: Right.

Karman: That was a great movie. That was my favorite high school movie, I think.
And you get two for one with that, because you get Phoebe Cates who’s like sassy-sexy.
She’s confident. She’s telling Jennifer Jason Leigh’s character how to do all
this stuff and how to be like a grown-up, and she’s like totally wrong about
everything but she really sells it. I bought it.

Dara: Well, that’s what you did in high school. You think you know everything
and you don’t know anything.

Karman: Well, she’s a good friend to have, though, because she took care of
her and looked out for her. And then you have the doe-eyed little waif, Jennifer
Jason Leigh.

Dara: Right.

Karman: Who gets into trouble. But that’s okay. Girl in trouble is a temporary
thing, as the saying goes. She got a clean slate at the end of the movie, and
that was cool. I thought they were both very cute.

Dara: Right.

Karman: They each had different things to offer. And I didn’t blame Judge Reinhold
for what he did at all. Sucks to get caught, but I understand it.

Dara: You know, I’m looking at my list, and I’m wondering what is wrong with
me, because I seem to be going for like the outcasts and weirdos. Because I
liked Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club.

Karman: Yeah. She was great. She was one of the most memorable one of the cast.

Dara: Anyone who puts a pixie stick on her sandwich…

Karman: Oh, I thought you were going to say that anyone who shakes their dandruff
out on their drawing to make it snow.

Dara: To make it snow? Yeah, see, that was kind of gross, but imaginative.

Karman: Yeah, she was creative. She was cute back in the day.

Dara: Yeah. And then she went on to do High Art,
so, what are you going to do?

Karman: One of my favorite depressing lesbian movies. I love that film. Did
you want to say anything else about her?

Dara: Uh… no. Just that she was a freak, and I like that about her.

Karman: Okay.

[Break]

Karman: I have a really — uncharacteristically, for me — perky,
blonde girl who’s one of my favorite co-eds and she’s in a double feature here.
Kirsten Dunst in Bring It On and Drop Dead Gorgeous.

Dara: Wow.

Karman: Two of my favorite movies and she just happens to
be in both of them. She has dimples for days, she’s so cute. In Bring It
On
, she’s a cheerleader! Who doesn’t love a cheerleader, right? So cute.

Dara: I’ve never wanted a cheerleader. They’re too perky. Just want to slap
them.

Karman: You’re going to get a dark-hearted evil one! Get an evil cheerleader.

Dara: Dark-hearted evil girls in high school don’t go join the cheerleading
squad.

Karman: Okay, wait, do you like Faith from Buffy?

Dara: They put bombs under the cars of cheerleaders, they don’t join the cheerleaders.

Karman: What if they infiltrate? Like a mole?

Dara: A mole.

Karman: A mole cheerleader.

Dara: A cheerleading mole.

Karman: That you could work with, I’ll bet. Right?

Dara: Okay. If it was a real mole, yeah.

Karman: No, not with the whiskers. So, did you like Faith
on Buffy?

Dara: Hell yeah.

Karman: Okay. She is in Bring It On, and she plays
a dark-hearted, sort of you know morose cheerleader.

Dara: I like morose.

Karman: You should check it out. You should check it out.

Dara: Alright.

Karman: But for me it’s all about Kirsten Dunst, and Gabrielle Union’s in it,
too. And she’s adorable.

Dara: But you know, sometimes I do like sunny, because I also
like — speaking of Sonny, I like Cher in Clueless! See how I did that?

Karman: Wow.

Dara: That segue?

Karman: That was really good.

Dara: Yeah, it was good.

Karman: Well, she’s on my list, too.

Dara: Yeah, Alicia Silverstone. A) Cute. Hot.

Karman: So cute.

Dara: But Cher, the character, upbeat, fun, innocent, just wants everyone to
be happy.

Karman: Yeah.

Dara: And there’s nothing wrong with being happy. Alright. Who else you got?

[Break]

Karman: Um, let’s see. Well, D.E.B.S., right?

Dara: Oh yeah. Were they in school?

Karman: Yeah, they were at like in Spy High or something.

Dara: Spy High.

Karman: Well they wore those skirts, right? It wasn’t like a costume, it was
like a uniform.

Dara: James Bond Memorial High School.

Karman: Yeah, that was the one.

Dara: Yeah. Good.

Karman: And there were a lot of girls in that one, but my favorite was Meagan
Good, who was a badass girl. Remember her?

Dara: Mm-hmm.

Karman: She was super hot. Everyone else was milk toast compared
to her. And I also love D.E.B.S. because Kid Rock’s sister is in it.

Dara: She is?

Karman: Yeah, she’s the one who — what’s her name — she’s the one who has the
affair with the bad girl’s sidekick. You know, who’s like calling all the time.

Dara: Okay.

Karman: Her name’s like Ritchie. Her last name’s Ritchie.

Dara: It’s not Little-Kid-Sister-Rock?

Karman: No, she actually has a name, and if I weren’t a lazy ____ and done
the research I’d know what it was. (Writer’s note: Jill Ritchie)

Dara: D’oh! Okay.

Karman: Anyway.

Dara: Um, I want to say, having never seen the show that probably I’m pretty
sure I would love the chicks in Sugar Rush. It’s not our fault we
live in America and haven’t seen it yet.

Karman: Oh! Sugar Rush! Okay. I was thinking of something
totally different. Gimme Sugar.

Dara: No!

Karman: I’m like, those girls are not in school!

Dara: No.

Karman: They are club kids.

Dara: No.

Karman: They shouldn’t even be there.

Dara: Sugar Rush, the awesome British show where

Karman: I have seen it.

Dara: You have?

Karman: Yes. It is trash. You’d like it. It’s like South
of Nowhere
on smack.

Dara: I heard that one of them is really into dental care because of the thing
on her teethbrush or something.

Karman: I guess I didn’t see that episode.

Dara: I read that maybe somewhere. I don’t know what I’m talking about.

Karman: Write in and let us know which episode this is in for Dara to find
out about the dental care issues. It’s a good show. It’s a good show.

Dara: It’s good to floss.

Karman: And it’s really dirty compared to American tv.

Dara: Yeah.

Karman: Like the mom was doing it with some handyman on kitchen table in one
episode.

Dara: See, in Europe, they’re not so Puritanical about sex, but they’re not
big on the violence. Here, it’s the inverse where we won’t show anything skin-related,
but you can blow someone’s head off.

Karman: Yeah.

Dara: As long as you don’t show them with their shirt blowing open when that
happens.

Karman: As long as they don’t have satisfying sex before that happens?

Dara: Exactly.

Karman: Alright.

Dara: Yeah.

Karman: Let’s go to yours.

Dara: Alright.

Karman: Wynona Ryder in Heathers.

Dara: Yeah. Dark.

Karman: Cute.

Dara: Sarcastic.

Karman: All black. So, so sarcastic. So grim.

Dara: Bitter, cynical teenagers.

Karman: It’s hot.

Dara: It was me, too.

Karman: I would have liked her at school.

Dara: Was that you?

Karman: Yes. Well of course, because if you’re a big homo in high school, and
it sucks to be gay in high school, of course you’re going to be bitter and angry.

Dara: I didn’t think it sucked. I had a girlfriend.

Karman: Okay, well, for everybody but you, back in the olden days.

Dara: Listen, there was something in the water at my high school, because there
were a lot of people.

Karman: Really?

Dara: Yeah. And not necessarily, you know, secretive. Kind of out there.

Karman: That’s impressive.

Dara: We had a Shane. We had a total —

Karman: Was it you?

Dara: No. We had a total Shane. She was older than me.

Karman: And did she date older women, too?

Dara: No, but like all the cheerleaders, they couldn’t get close enough to
her. It was crazy.

Karman: See, cheerleaders! Wait, did she go out with cheerleaders?

Dara: She did whoever she wanted, basically.

Karman: Gah, I wish I’d gone to your high school.

[Break]

Dara: Other, uh, other co-eds I’d thought of were Annabelle,
from Loving Annabelle, she was a rebel. She didn’t care what anyone
thought. There was someone that she wanted and she went for them, she didn’t
even care who knew and that was cool.

Karman: And she’s super cute.

Dara: Super cute, plays guitar.

Karman: Got the guitar.

Dara: She wrote a song.

Karman: Hers worked. [Indicates RockBand guitar] Had strings and all. She did.
She wrote a song that seduced her teacher and it worked.

Dara: It did! She didn’t even get to the third verse and boom! They were outside
making out! Hello!

Karman: That was impressive. I would say, I was very impressed with that.

Dara: How long could you resist Erin Kelly? At some point you’re going to break
down.

Karman: You’re going to crack, that’s right.

Dara: You’re not made of stone!

Karman: Yeah.

[Break]

Dara: Uh, also on my list. Uh, only Spencer from South
of Nowhere
.

Karman: Yeah, Spencer for me, too. No disrespect to Ashley.

Dara: None at all.

Karman: It’s just a flavor. Just a flavor difference.

Dara: And Mandy has a really sexy voice for someone so young and who only weighs
five pounds.

Karman: Yeah, yeah. A lot of voice comes out of that tiny little package.

Dara: A lot of voice.

Karman: But Spencer —

Dara: It’s like a little sports car with a really meaty horn. Instead of a
big engine.

Karman: You’re a walking soundbite. Do you realize this?

Dara: Well, you know like, nowadays, you buy a SUV, it’s a big hunk of gas-guzzling
thing, you go to hit the horn and it’s like, Excuse me. What the
heck is that about?

Karman: That’s not what you’re paying for? You’ve got to go vintage for a good
horn.

Dara: That’s not what you’re paying for! You want like, Eff you!
Right?

Karman: Eff you! Like that?

Dara: Arugula!

Karman: Butter lettuce!

Dara: I don’t know where I was going with that.

Karman: Yeah, Spencer. Spencer.

Dara: Also, I would like to be Cameron on Terminator:
The Sarah Connor Chronicles
.

Karman: You want to be Cameron?

Dara: Yeah, I think that’d be cool. She’s a frickin’ robot! Hello!

Karman: Dude, why do you want to be a robot?

Dara: Because I do! It’d be awesome. Look, you live forever, you never get
sick, you never get old, you know more than everybody in the room.

Karman: This already sounds like you.

Dara: You have super-human strength.

Karman: This is you already.

Dara: You have super-human strength… it’s cool.

Karman: You’re already a robot. Forget about it.

Dara: You can eat anything you want and you never get fat. You never get old.
What’s this?

Karman: You’re already a robot! I’m going to just boot you down!

Dara: Honestly, someone I’ve dated said I have a port in my back where I upload
data because I really am a machine. I swear to god.

Karman: You heard it here, first.

[Break]

Dara: And lastly, I want to give a shout out to Daria, the cartoon. Love her!
She is us… I would like to say personified, but it would be opposite. She
is us animated. Right?

Karman: Yeah.

Dara: Yeah.

Karman: She’s bitter on a stick. I like it.

Dara: Love it.

Karman: I think my thus in summation would be Carrie… from
Carrie. Sissy Spacek.

Dara: Carrie from Carrie?

Karman: Yeah.

Dara: Well, I felt bad for her.

Karman: I got her.

Dara: Really?

Karman: Yes. I didn’t — okay. I didn’t have mind control stuff, I didn’t have
a crazy religious mom, didn’t have any of that, but I had the alienation. No
one ever threw a tampon at me in the shower, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t
feel where she’s coming from. And when she did all that crap in the gymnasium,
I was glad. I was like, yeah.

Dara: Wow.

Karman: Die, Betty Buckley. Die, P.J. Soles.

Dara: Yeah, I’m all about revenge. And, uh, John Travolta, too.

Karman: I know. But you know what, if I had been in high school, if I had been
Carrie in high school, I would have totally had the hots for Nancy Allen. Even
though she’s a bitch and tortured me, I don’t care. She’s so cute in that movie.

Dara: Being a bitch and torturous does not necessarily exclude you from —

Karman: Doesn’t preclude the hots.

Dara: It does not. Sometimes that’s the only thing that makes it hot. Come
on, you know what I’m talking about.

Karman: Don’t try this at home, kids. Anyway, I think that’s our list.

Dara: I think that’s our list. So, um, what do you guys think? I think we covered
pretty much everything.

Karman: If we left anyone out, write in and tell us.

Dara: Oh, I’m sure they will.

Karman: Yes.

Dara: So, those you that had to go back to school, our condolences, but study
hard. School will mean nothing two years out of it, but it’s important now.

Karman: Looks good on a resume to graduate from high school and/or college!

Dara: And anyone who thinks there’s no such thing as algebra in real life,
go look at Excel, okay?

Karman: Alright, shall we get it on?

Dara: We shall.

Karman: Alright.

Dara: Alright.

[End]

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