“Torchwood: Miracle Day”: We’re Off to See the Bloodline, the Wonderful Bloodline of Jack

 
 

COOPER LOOKOUT

Three Families PI: Hullo?

Gwen: Hullo! Hey, look behind you!

Jack Harkness: Hi ya, pal!

Three Families PI: Well, shit.

Jack Harkness: Yep. Here drink this retcon juice. All the cool kids are doing it. 

 

COOPER’S HOME FOR WAYWARD TIME TRAVELERS 

Gwen: Jack! I missed you! I missed you so much! I missed you so much I thought I would go insane with it! Let’s stand here in the doorway and practically make out!

Esther: Is it always like this?

Rhys: You have no idea. 

 

Oswald Danes: Good evening, Captain. First, I’d like to give everyone a chance to get their threats and insults out of the way. This isn’t my first time at the pedophile rodeo.

Gwen: In terms of monsters, you are the worst. And I say that as a woman who has seen actual monsters. 

Oswald Danes: Charming. Hey, how’s your dad, by the way? Doesn’t he get lonely hiding in the basement all by himself?

Gwen: Where’s my cast iron skillet? 

Esther: OK, let’s all calm down. Oswald, what’s your deal? Seriously. 

Oswald Danes: I can’t just tell you my deal. I have to preface everything I say with a reminder that I raped a child. After that, I can tell you how Jilly Kitzinger went missing at noon today. Poof! Off the grid!

OFF THE GRID

Jilly Kitzinger: Hellloooo, Chi — where is everyone?

 

HELL’S KITCHEN 

Captain Jack: Tell us the name of the man who started the Miracle, and hurry up. Dying is getting on my last nerve. 

Oswald Danes: OK, but first let me remind you: I’m a pedophile. 

Captain Jack: Yeah, we got it. 

Oswald Danes: The man’s name that kept recurring over and over and over in Kitzinger’s email was — wait for it! — Harry Bosco. 

Esther: Oh good Lord. Harry Bosco isn’t a man. Harry Bosco is the process Fox News uses to create “news.” It’s propaganda. Mistranslation. Glenn Beck quacking and pissing himself to distract people from actual facts.

Oswald Danes: So? Jilly Kitzinger works in PR. Why would she be Harry Bosco-ing? 

Esther: Uh, because she works in PR? The last thing she did was translate a bunch of YouTube videos from Wu to Mandarin to English. I think I’ll call Rex to see if he can hook us up with a Chinese translator, and also to tell him we think there’s something in Shanghai. 

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