“Torchwood: Miracle Day” Episode 108: Long Lost Lovers and Brand New Hookers

 
 

 

ROXXXXXANNE

Oswald Danes: Welcome to my humble abode, hooker. Would you like a glass of wine and some pleasant conversation? 

Hooker: Actually, I was hoping we could just do it in whatever humiliating way you’re into so I can clock out and go home. 

Oswald Danes: NO. I WANT THIS TO BE LIKE PRETTY WOMAN

Hooker: Then maybe you should be a little more Richard Gere and little less Lee Harvey. 

Oswald: YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY. 

Hooker: Oh, don’t worry, your anger won’t last long. You’ll be a category zero before you know it. 

Oswald Danes: WHAT IS A CATEGORY ZERO?

Jilly Kitzinger: Aw, man, Yamaguchi got you a prostitute who sleeps with Congressmen? Rookie mistake. 

Oswald Danes: WHAT IS A CATEGORY ZERO?

Jilly Kitzinger: Just people like you, the leeches of society, who are going to be burned alive when the ovens fire up again. 

Oswald Danes: [Punches Jilly in the head] I’m out of here. 

Jilly Kitzinger: Good luck going into hiding. Your face is more famous than Oprah’s, ya’ moron!

 

MORPHIC FIELD

Captain Jack: Esther and Rex, I know said touching this morphic field is the most dangerous thing you could possibly ever do, but would you mind coming over here and touching this morphic field?

Rex and Esther: Sure.

Captain Jack: [Waves his wand — not a euphemism! — and mutters, "Silencio!"]

Esther: Nice one, Hermione!

Captain Jack: This is bigger than Hermione Granger. Hell, this is bigger than Albus Dumbledore. This is bigger even than magic. This is the biggest of the big, and trust me I know a thing or two about big. Ahem. Anyway, this plot point is a null field, it cancels out the other fields around it. Death, for example. And sound. I’ve been to the future a couple of times, and let me tell you, if humanity gets their hands on this thing, they’ll f–k up the planet real good. 

Esther: But where did it come from?

Captain Jack: Torchwood’s hub. Ol’ Angelo must have gone digging around down there after it blew up. 

Esther: How are you going to get a plot point this big out of here?

Captain Jack: I’ll just take the plot point’s alpha plate. OK? 

Rex: Allegiance is hard. 

 

MOVIN’ ON UP

Shawney Yamaguchi: You should maybe call the cops on Oswald Danes.

Jilly Kitzinger: Please, the media is so much more powerful than law enforcement agencies. 

Mr. Ablemarch-Costerdane-Frines, one presumes: The Families are much more powerful than either of those things. As a demonstration, I will shoot your assistant in the face. 

Jilly Kitzinger: That was unexpected. 

Mr. Ablemarch-Costerdane-Frines: She was CIA. Hey, do you want a new job with God’s own mob?

Jilly Kitzinger: Hell yeah. 

Mr. Ablemarch-Costerdane-Frines: Sweet. Let me just call my sister, Charlotte Wills-Ablemarch-Costerdane-Frines. She also works for the CIA and is, in fact, best friends with Esther Drummond, whom you will meet very soon, I’m sure. 

Jilly Kitzinger: OK?

TEAM TORCHWOOD

Rex: OK, I’m going to help you get out of here, but Esther and I are staying. We’ve got a real chance to solve this thing now. We’ll help you steal a car and everything will be fine — as long as you don’t get shot.

Captain Jack: [Gets shot]

Esther: Balls!

Rex: That agent saw you and also Jack can’t drive a car. You’re going to have to get him out of here. 

Esther: Balls!

Rex: Go, go, go!

Esther: Balls!

Morning radio host: So, the Apocalypse is fully underway now. 

Esther: Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls!

TRANSATLANTIC REDUX

Gwen: It is a good damn thing I don’t get jet leg. 

 

Next week: Please let us off the Exposition Express!

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