“Torchwood: Miracle Day” Episode 108: Long Lost Lovers and Brand New Hookers

 
 

SKYPE

Esther: Is anyone interested in hearing the names of The Three Families again? 

Everyone: is, apparently. 

Charlotte Wills: Things are pretty crazy back here at CIA HQ. The EU is collapsing. The vending machine is out of Diet Coke again. 

Esther: That blows. Hey, can you look around for some paper records about The Three Families. I know I blew up that paper records building in episode one, but maybe there are some more paper records buildings?

Charlotte Wills: Sure thing. I was born for this Miracle Day investigation. I mean that literally. 

 

OSWALD DOES DALLAS

Jilly Kitzinger: When you speak at Cowboys Stadium, the main slogan you need to remember is, “Fire up those ovens, boys!”

Oswald Danes: I don’t want to talk about work; I’d rather dance. 

Jilly Kitzinger: Yeah, well, I’d rather kick you in the babymaker. We can’t have everything we want. 

Oswald Danes: I want a girl. Get me one. Legal age will be fine. For once. 

Jilly Kitzinger: You just keep getting grosses. 

Shawney Yamaguchi: You could use an intern, and I have conveniently arrived in your hour of need!

Jilly Kitzinger: Get me a sandwich and a prostitute. In that order. 

Shawney Yamaguchi: Cool, let me just text the CIA to let them know I made it safely to your hotel room. Oswald Danes is the worst, right?

Jilly Kitzinger: Yeah, but soon he’ll be dead, so whatevs. 

 

CATEGORY WACKADOODLE

Esther: Hey little sis, how’s it going in the loony bin I put you in? Pretty nice, right? Now that I’m not a fugitive, I was thinking we could hang out in the park together soon, have a picnic or something.

Little Sis: OK, but make it quick. I’ve signed me and the girls up to be category one.

Esther: That is not a thing you can do.

Little Sis: The Internet says it is and the Internt never lies. OK, bye!

 

INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC MISSILE

Gwen: Jack’s doing some cryptic pouting, so I thought I’d call and check in.

Rhys: Good timing, your mum’s feeling particularly pep talk-y this morning. 

Mum Cooper: Gwen, I had a gun to my head in my own house. And now I want a gun for myself. Save the world and bring me a gun.

Rhys: You heard your mother. Do it and hurry home. Cuddly Bear needs a hug, yeah?

Gwen: I will. Tell mum I keep a spare pistol in Anwen’s crib. See you soon, sweetheart. 

 

THE PHILOSOPHER’S MICROCHIP

Esther: This floor feels hollow. Do you guys think maybe there’s plot point underneath it?

Captain Jack: No. Stop talking and go away. 

Esther: Seriously, though, when I kick it and tap it and hop up and down on it, I get the sense that there’s a plot point underneath this floor. 

Captain Jack: I said there’s nothing under the floor. 

Esther: HEY, EVERYBODY, THERE’S SOMETHING UNDER THE FLOOR. 

Captain Jack: Nice. 

Esther: Not as nice as my sister volunteering to kill her own kids. 

Mr. Shapiro: Esther, did you find a plot point or something?

Esther: Yes. 

Mr. Shapiro: Excellent. Jack, is that plot point extraterrestrial? 

Gwen: None of your beeswax. 

Mr. Shapiro: I’m talking to Jack. 

Gwen: YOU’RE TALKING TO MY NUNCHUKS! 

Mr. Shapiro: This one hasn’t flown across the Atlantic yet today. Put her on a plane. 

Gwen: Fine, but consider yourself warned and consider this fit pitched. I’LL BE BACK TOMORROW. 

 

SCOOBY DOOBY DOO

Rex: Jack, for real, what is this thing?

Captain Jack: Remember on the plane ride here when I was saying “morphic field” while the United States government tried to poison me and you laughed in my face? Well, MORPHIC FIELD MORPHIC FIELD MORPHIC FIELD. 

Esther: So the Miracle turns death off, but this plot point turns death back on? 

Captain Jack: Yes, but only everything within a ten foot radius of the plot point. 

Mr. Shapiro: So we need to make a plot point as big as the earth?

Captain Jack: No, but also yes. I hope that was vague enough.

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