“Torchwood: Miracle Day” Episode 108: Long Lost Lovers and Brand New Hookers




Agent Newman: Hello, Esther. 

Esther: Crap. 

Agent Newman: Hello, everyone else. 

Gwen Cooper: Guns. Thank God. All this exposition was starting to make me think I wouldn’t get to lose my shit at all this episode. 

Agent Newman: My fists would like a word alone with Rex. 

Rex: Good because my Torchwood contact lenses would like a word alone with you. 

Agent Newman: What d’ya say I rough you up a little and then make an on-air confession that I work for The Three Families. 

Rex: That’s a convenient plan if I’ve ever heard one! Almost as convenient as if you were to blow up every non-essential character in just a few minutes!



Agent Shapiro: As the CIA Director, my first order of business is to declare my alpha male status. Let’s measure our dicks. Who’s first?

Gwen: Me!

Agent Shapiro: I’m not sure I like you.

Gwen: Oh, look — here are all the f–ks I give.

Agent Shapiro: Hmm. I also think I’ll mock your coat, Harkness. 

Captain Jack: That doesn’t bode well for you in terms of fandom friendliness, but OK.

Rex: These Torchwood guys are actually the only reason we’ve gotten this close to solving the Miracle. Maybe we can work together. 

Agent Shapiro: Fine. Let’s go. But keep that Cooper woman away from me. 

Captain Jack: What about Angelo? We can’t just leave him here.  

Agent Shapiro: Blah blah blah, I dress like Snoopy and never stop loving my ex-boyfriends. Let’s go, we’re leaving.

Newman: Not if I suicide bomb your fleet of SUVs first!


Captain Jack: Hey, remember when you were hot? Just kidding. So you stalked me, huh, you old coot? No, it’s cute. It does make me feel bad, though. I mean, I was with a lot of people. And I mean a lot. You probably saw me with some of them. How about Ianto? He was my favorite. His little chipmunk cheeks and that accent. Anyway, I’m just going to take you off your life support, give you a little kiss and — Jeepers H. Christmas, did I just kill you?! 

Various life scanning devices: Yep. 


Rex: Good. I’ve been looking for a reason to make this global miracle all about me again. Remember when I almost died, you guys? That was so sad.

Agent Shapiro: Awesome. No transportation and now Captain Harkness over here has gone and murdered a dude. I guess we’re all staying here until we figure out what the hell.



Gwen: So, are we in trouble?

Captain Jack: Yep. 

Gwen: Big trouble?

Captain Jack: Yep.

Gwen: Would you care to elaborate? 

Captain Jack: No. Olivia didn’t waste enough time spelling out the surnames of The Three Families. I’m just going to sit here with my head in my hands and stare ominously at the wall.

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