“Torchwood” in Ten Minutes “Miracle Day” Episode 106: Jack Makes Them Good Girls Go Bad

 
 

WHO’S A BAMF? YOU ARE! YES, YOU ARE!

Gwen: So that Dr. Patel was a quack attack. Listen, I need you to save my dad, no matter what. 

Rhys: I can do that. I can do anything. You’ve only just realized it, but I’ve always been the most reliable man in your life. And I always will be. 

INFINITY AND BEYOND

Owen Harper: Ianto, looks like you’re about to have some help in the kitchen!

 

CITY OF ANGELS SINGLETON BAR

Captain Jack: Hey Janet, you know every tiny detail about your whole entire life?

Janet: Yeah.

Captain Jack: Me too. And I need you to help me get to your boss so I can save the world. 

Janet: No! I have never watched a TV show or movie; therefore I am operating under the delusion that my boss will one day leave his wife to begin a new life with me!

Captain Jack: Ahh. Never seen TV. That explains it. There’s this show called Mad Men, and ever since it came out, bosses are trading up for curvier mistresses. So, you’re doomed, frankly. Help me and I’ll get you a Netflix subscription so you can figure out how to make better choices. 

Janet: OK, then. 

CITY OF ANGELS SMUG MARRIED STEAKHOUSE

Maître d’hôtel: I will be your token gay this episode. 

Captain Jack: Then please accept this slap on the ass. 

Captain Jack: Mr. and Mrs. Stuart Owens, it is a pleasure. Prime rib? Excellent choice in these cholesterol-free times. I always find it goes best with a bold Cabernet Sauvignon and some talk of adultery. Mind if I join you?

Mrs. Stuart Owens: [Does mind, apparently]

Stuart Owens: Seriously, man? One of my “operatives” threw himself off a building today after witnessing something soul-suckingly horrible in Shanghai, my mistress keeps harassing me to leave my wife like she’s never watched TV, and now you’re gonna come up in here and bust up dinner with my wife?

Captain Jack: Yeah, that was the thing I was going to use to blackmail you, actually. I was going to say I’m holding Janet hostage. But you don’t appear to give a crap and also you seem eager to talk, so why don’t you tell me how PhiCorp caused the Miracle. 

Stuart Owens: It wasn’t PhiCorp, actually. It was someone or something who is playing us all like marionettes from the yodeling number in The Sound of Music. I’m just a lonely goat-herder like you, Captain. But, listen, one phrase you should key in on is “The Blessing.” It came from Italy like 20 years ago, and when you add that to the underlying Catholic thing going on here, you should probably consider getting Dan Brown on the case. Oh, look, my wife called the cops. 

Captain Jack: [Disapparates]

MORE LIKE T-REX, AM I RIGHT?

Rex: Plan A) I beat up an army guy, take his uniform and machine gun, and waltz out of here. Plan B) I get captured and try to negotiate with the person in charge of this place. 

Plan B: It is, then.

 

Beetle Bailey: Sleaze, there’s some guy from Torchwood chained up in the boiler room waiting to speak to you. 

Esther: Can I go? I’ll go with you! I’m happy to you with you to the boiler room! Let me go! I’m good at going! I’ll just get my coat! No, I don’t even need my coat! I’m ready right now to accompany you to the 

Mr. Sleazasky: Shut up and sit down! 

Esther: Dang, foiled again. 

THE BOILER ROOM

Rex: Not to blow my wad prematurely or anything, but: This place is a concentration camp where the sick get sicker and the dead get vaporized. Lucky for you, I’ve recorded the whole thing on my camcorder, which is sitting conveniently on that table 10 feet away from me while I remain chained to this pole with an open chest wound.

Mr. Sleazasky: Wel, there goes my badminton game for tomorrow too, I guess. 

Rex: You and I need to work together to shut down this place, dude. I’ve got proof and I’ve got rage. The proof, like I said, is on that video camera riiiiight there. And rage is because my girlfriend, Dr. Vera Jaurez, was brutally murdered. 

Mr. Sleazasky: Vera Juarez? Serioulsy?

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