“Torchwood” in 10 Minutes “Miracle Day”: The Launching of a Slash Ship

 
 

Esther: I’m sorry to interrupt your treatise on my worthlessness, but I’ve made our first breakthrough. Newman cockblocked the ATF!

Gwen: What does it mean to “cockblock”?

Jack: It’s the reason Janto shippers have always hated your guts. 

Gwen: Ohhhh.

Esther: The ATF emailed Newman about a hundred times asking to see this one specific warehouse, but he kept marking it as spam. 

Rex: We should break into that warehouse!

Captain Jack: Hey, I give the orders around here. [Grins his swoony Captain Jack grin.] We should break into that warehouse!

 

THAT WAREHOUSE

Esther: How will we distract the security guard so we can get inside? 

Gwen: I will punch his mouth in the face. 

LIECORP

 Jack: This warehouse is full of painkillers made by PhiCorp. 

Rex: GIVE THEM TO ME. 

Jack: Whoa, look at all these painkillers in this whole other TARDIS-sized warehouse. 

Rex: GIVE MORE OF THEM TO ME. 

Jack: It’s convenient that PhiCorp has been manufacturing the perfect drug for Miracle Day for over a year, huh? 

Rex: [Cookie Monsters an entire plate of painkillers] 

 

IMMORTALITY GENERAL HOSPITAL AND MEETING HALL

Dr. Juarez: Let’s take a break from the action to explore some of the medical, ethical and legal ramifications of Miracle Day.

Audience: [Starts chewing fingers] Oh, please be careful! Philosophical sci-fi is such smart TV, but you saw what happened to Caprica! Fantasy fans were raised on lightsabers and SFX handjobs!

HANDJOBS! GET YOUR HANDJOBS!

Jilly Kitzinger: Hi, it’s me again. Jilly Kitzinger. 

Dr. Juarez: Oh, Jesus.

Jilly Kitzinger: That’s right! I represent New Jesus too! Hey, listen, you should come to PhiCorp and give us your opinions about zombies and things. You’re a superstar and it’ll totally be worth your time. I mean, come on, do I seem like the kind of person who would exploit you? 

Dr. Juarez: Yes. 

Jilly Kitzinger: You’re right. But you should come anyway!

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