“Torchwood” in 10 Minutes “Miracle Day” Episode 107: Gwen Cooper undone

 
 

BABY 456s

Captain Jack: OK, this is a box of aliens someone wants to use to mess with President Roosevelt. I’m just going to shoot them in their alien heads and we’ll be on our way. 

Angelo Colesanto: Cool. 

Coopers: Not cool. 

Captain Jack: Run!

Angelo Colesanto: [Gets arrested]

Captain Jack: [Gets shot in the brain]

Angelo Colesanto: Well, s–t.

Jack: GAAAAAAAAAAAASP. 

Way-back fans: Awwww! His back-to-life noise! 

 

BETRAYAL HIGHWAY, HEADING NORTH

Eve Myles: [Is just acting the heck out of this series.] 

Gwen Cooper: You know what’s the worst part of this whole thing?

Captain Jack: Worse than you driving me to my death?

Gwen Cooper: Yes. 

Captain Jack: Worse than that town of cannibals? Or the people who were selling that earth whale meat to Pizza Hut? 

Gwen Cooper: Yes. 

Captain Jack: Worse that the time you retconned your own husband?

Gwen Cooper: Yes! The worst part is I loved all of that! Watching all that happen, saving the world, seeing our friends die: It made me feel special! If I’d just stayed on that goddamn radish farm none of this would ever have happened. I love you. 

Captain Jack: I love you too.

Gwen Cooper: I’m going to kill you anyway. 

Captain Jack: Same.

 

INDEPENDENCE DAY

Captain Jack: Yoo-hoo! Boyfriend! Good to see you out of prison! Like my new coat?

Angelo Colesanto: Um, you are dead.

Captain Jack: Oh, come on. Does a dead man have a smile this dazzling?

Angelo Colesanto: I don’t know. Like I said, I’m a small town boy. 

Captain Jack: Let’s go back to the B&B by the brothel and you can have your small town way with me. 

JESUS PAYIN’ LEBRON

Angelo Colesanto: I’m still a little wigged out because of how you’re a zombie. 

Captain Jack: And yet, once again, the tell-tale sign of your erection is giving you away. 

Angelo Colesanto: One idea is that we can make love. Another idea is that I can STAB YOU IN THE HEART! And then invite the Master of the House and the Keeper of the Inn to watch me STAB YOU IN THE HEART! And then invite the whole village to watch me STAB YOU IN THE HEART! And then stand idly by while everyone in the concrete jungle where dreams are made of STABS YOU IN THE HEART. 

Extraterrestrial Trinity: Let’s buy this guy for 10,000 bucks. Everyone who agrees, hands in the triangle-shaped huddle.

 

Angelo Colesanto: Hey there, sweetheart. Sorry I got all sociopath on you earlier. I just got a little carried away. I brought you a change of clothes. Ready to go do that time-traveling thing, now?

Captain Jack: I think maybe we should see other people. 

Angelo Colesanto: What?! 

Captain Jack: You kind of murdered me 100 times in a row.

Angelo Colesanto: I said I was sorry!

Captain Jack: Yeah. I’m just going to Batman off this building now. See you never.

Angelo Colesanto: But you’ll die!

Captain Jack: Nah.

 

IF IT’S ALIEN, IT’S OURS

Gwen Cooper: I’m going to miss you, Jack. 

Captain Jack: I don’t want to die.

Gwen Cooper: I know. 

Big Baddette: Captain Jack Harkness. The last mortal man. My, what a journey it has been. I’m going to kill you soon. 

Gwen Cooper: Not if that sniper kills you first. 

Big Baddette: Who the—

Rex: Rex Mattheson, bitches! 

Esther: And, er, Esther Drummond also. Um. Bitches! 

 

CUDDLY BEAR/BABY BEAR

Welsh PD: PC Andy Davidson at your service! Holla, baby kidnappers!

Rhys: Fan favorite status reinstated, sir!

 

HELL HATH NO FURY 

Esther: Gwen, your family is safe. My awesome streak continues.

Rex: Next time, call for backup! Stop acting like a bunch of circus clowns!

Captain Jack: I’ll still kill you if I have to, Gwen. And I also still love you.

Gwen: Good. I feel exactly the same. On both counts. 

Big Baddette: Blah, blah, blah. You think these are feelings? I’ve got some feelings for you, Jack Harkness. Some feelings that have been feeling for the last 85 years. Some feelings in the form of Angelo Colesanto, Giver of Blessings, Maker of Miracles.

Rex: Who?

Jack Harkness: He’s, uh, my ex-boyfriend.

Rex: Of course he is. Am I the only man on earth who hasn’t slept with you?

Jack Harkness: Maybe. But there are still three episodes left. 

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