“Top Chef” Recaps: Episode 4.9 “Wedding Wars”

I really cannot overemphasize the ugliness of the monkfish. It
might even give me nightmares.

They teams split up each task. The Forks give Antonia
oranges, Andrew artichokes, Richard monkfish and Stephanie mayo. The Spoons
have a bit more trouble dividing their tasks. Seems nobody likes mayo. Nikki
hasn’t made it by hand since culinary school and wants a refresher. But Dale is
in no mood to mentor.

Dale: It’s so
asinine for me to hear these things come out of people’s mouths. "I haven’t
made a mayonnaise by hand in years." Like they’re scared of it. Why are
you still here?

Go, team, go!

The Spoons finally decide to give Lisa the oranges, Spike the
artichokes, Dale the monkfish and Nikki, reluctantly, the mayo.

On your marks, get
set —
And then they’re off. Lisa and Antonia get slicing. Lisa’s hands are
shaking, and she worries she might slit an artery. The potential for
catastrophic blood loss aside, Lisa is racing through her supremes and is a
good two oranges ahead of Antonia. Behold the power of the wrist cuff.

Lisa: I smoked
her ass on those oranges and got us a killer head start.

With that, Spike starts his artichokes. He brags about
having two turned in a matter of seconds. But then Andrew gets to start. He
tears at them with his bare hands. His bare hands! OK, I’ve made artichokes
many times before and then whined for days afterward about stabbing myself with
those horrid little thorns at the end of each leaf.

I guess sometimes it pays off having a crazy dude on your
team because he is gaining ground on Spike. But it turns out Andrew is crazy
like a fox. He has a secret weapon for tackling the artichokes: a peeler.

Quick question, does everyone else see the little blue toy
soldier in the bottom left corner? Um, what’s that all about? First Padma with
the Army surplus jacket and now this? Is the military a subliminal sponsor this
week?

OK, back to the race. Spike breaks the stem off his second
artichoke and has to start anew. That, coupled with Andrew’s peeler smarts,
evaporates the lead Lisa had built up. They finish neck and neck.

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