“Top Chef” Recaps: Episode 4.7 “Improv”

Spike declares Andrew and his "yellow, love, vanilla" dish another "ballsy"
move. That guy needs to get off the gonad analogies. So what’s their big "ballsy"
creations? The same damn
butternut squash soup
Spike has whined about wanting to cook since Episode 4.5.

Spike: I was so happy to be doing a soup because I
love making a squash soup. That is something I feel like I should have done a
couple of challenges ago.

He then says
the ability to make a perfect soup is what impresses a chef. Wow, he really
cannot let this whole soup

But neither can

Antonia: Oh, God, if he freaking wins for that I’m
going to like vomit in my mouth.

You and me
both, sister. You and me both.

Who pulled
the plug? —
As the chefs get
busy, they realize all the electrical equipment, from blenders to food
processors, is gone. So they’ll have to, yep, improvise.

machine-free challenge poses the biggest problem for Spike and Andrew, who need
a blender to puree their soup. Instead everything must be mashed and pressed by
hand. This also involves Spike straining the soup mixture through cloth. And,
with that, we get the night’s third reference to testes.

Andrew: Hey, you know how to work a sack, dude.

I believe I
just beat Antonia to that whole vomiting in my mouth thing.

Is that an
asparagus in your pocket?
— Stephanie
and Jennifer decide to make their asparagus look, uh, excited. They lean it up
so it is, ahem, erect on a piece of bread. Stephanie says she is a little
worried about the bread, which was Jennifer’s idea, because it’s so large.
Apparently, size does matter.

Does anyone
else feel like they’re having a session on Dr. Freud’s couch with this

Antonia and
Lisa are working on their non-Polish sausage dish. Antonia thinks the plate
doesn’t look refined enough. But then head chef Tom Colicchio comes in and
throws everyone for a loop.

there is an asshat in my soup —

Instead of serving the judges and Second City crew on the table already set in
the kitchen, the cheftestants have 20 minutes to pack up their food and bring
it to their Top Chef house where they will finish the last hour of
cooking and serve dinner.

Back at the
house, everyone scrambles for burners and space. Andrew and Spike finish early
and spend the last half-hour of the competition tasting and seasoning their

They bring it
to the judges who — wait for it, wait for it — love it. Tom calls it "simple, straightforward and just
delicious." Someone get Antonia an air sickness bag, STAT.

bringing SexyBack —
and Jennifer are next with their raunchy asparagus. Stephanie is still worried
about the bread and its texture. But it’s time to get the friction on with the

Jennifer: We’ve composed a ménage à trois. …We have
orange sections — sex-tions.
Then we took a nice, hard log of aged goat cheese …

They have a
great routine about dipping the asparagus in orange sauce, and the judges and
Second City cast members lap it up. Heck, even Tom can’t hide his amusement. In
short, they killed.

But it turns
out their dish is all foreplay, no action. The diners don’t like the oiliness
of the cheese. They don’t like how hard the bread is to cut. Judge Ted Allen
makes sure to get in as much sex terminology as possible in his critique.

Ted: This is not a ménage à trois. This is more of
an orgy.

So much for the

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