Archive

“Top Chef: Boston” recap (12.4): Cheers

Previously on Top Chef: Boston, we lost one of our white guys (bye Ron). Don’t worry, though, there are plenty more of them on the show! On a more positive note, Gregory continued being awesome by winning both the Quickfire and Elimination challenges last week. What a hero. I know the season is still young, but I think Gregory is in my top 3 of favorite chefs (along with Melissa and Mei).

We start this week’s episode with the chefs back at home, just doing chef stuff. Aaron talks shit about another one of the chefs (Katsuji), while Keriann is missing her kids something fierce. They’re all just cheffing about, when HipGuy Adam reads a “love letter” from Padma. They’re going to Cheers! Stacy mentions that she’s been kicked out of that bar before, furthering my hypothesis that she is an amalgamation of every New England girl I’ve ever met. The chefs arrive and meet actor George Wendt, predictably all shouting a greeting of “Norm!” Padma explains that Boston is a bar town (don’t I know it, girl), and it’s the law for all bars to serve food. I’m not sure that’s a real thing, but I tend to blindly agree with whatever Padma says, so let’s go with that.

Quickfire Challenge: Bar snacks! Hell yeah! Somebody better heat up some frozen White Castle burgers, am I right? The winner this week gets immunity, and the chefs have thirty minutes to use whatever they find stocked in the kitchen. The chefs seem to struggle a little to make something “inventive” from the run of the mill ingredients at Cheers.

Most people seem to be taking classic bar food, but trying to put their own spin on it. Stacy’s got a take on a BLT (with burrata, FUCK YEAH), Rebecca is preparing fried chicken wings (but with ponzu glaze), and Aaron is making a burger (with peanut butter and mayonnaise-which, I hate to say, is one of those things I totally believe is surprisingly delicious). Padma and George start drinking (I really hope they filmed this in the morning), and the chefs begin to serve. Aaron’s burger is-as I thought/feared-quite tasty, but messy. This may be editing, but it looks like Padma’s almost done with a whole mug of beer after the first dish. Get it, girl. Stacy’s burrata BLT is well-received, and she charms the judges a bit with her impish “I got kicked out of Cheers” story.

Rebecca calls her wings “wicked hot,” and it occurs to me that I didn’t have an opinion on her until now. Now, my opinion is that I don’t like her. Padma wishes the wings were ::ahem:: wetter (I’ll just leave that there). Keriann presents an adorably tiny play on a crab cake.

Swayze is doing a crudite (veggies), and HipChef Adam doesn’t think Norm from cheers is really into that kind of thing. Gregory’s burger plating is a shitshow-just losing buns and shit left and right. That dude needed an off moment, and it’s way better to have it here and not during an Elimination Challenge.

At this point, I’m pretty sure Padma is drunk and I am just ecstatic about it. Drunk!Padma is one of my favorite Padmas. She gives Norm a piece of her bun and actually tells him, “I’ll be your topper.” I mean. I’ll be your topper. I’ll be. Your topper. The sound you probably just heard is the shattering of a million hearts. We also find out that young Gregory had a crush on Woody Harrelson. He get’s really giggly about it, and now I’m 1000% sure he’s solidly one of my favorite chefs. Swayze’s veggie plate gets thrown a little shade by Padma who wonders if crudite is really bar food. Meanwhile, Katsuji has prepared a ceviche (which is raw fish, let me just remind you) and both judges love it. Listen Padma, if I’m at a bar, and I have to choose between veggies (which just might be kind of bland) or RAW FISH (which could make me puke everywhere) I’m going to go with crudite every single time.

Gregory’s dry burger and James’ crudite (which is definitely not a bar food) are at the bottom. Katsuji’s ceviche (was is, of course, a totally “creative” bar food) and Keriann’s crab are at the top. Katsuji wins and I call bullshit. He’s officially on my nerves, but he just won immunity so there’s no way he’s going home today.

Elimination Challenge: It’s another team challenge, woof. They are taking over guest judge Chef Michael Schlow’s restaurant Via Matta to prepare three-course Italian meals (they must all make an antipasti, pasta, and secondi).

Each team is creating and writing their own menu, and they have to make it appealing to the masses because the team with most-ordered menu is safe from elimination. This is especially important because this week is a double elimination-ohhhh snap. The chefs get to pick their own teams for this challenge. Adam, Mei, and Napoleon do a weird little Jedi mind trick and form a team without any words. Somehow Gregory ends up as one of the chefs not chosen, which is dumb. Other chefs, you are being dumb. He’s stuck with Aaron and Katsuji, and I feel confident in guessing that this won’t go well. Aaron’s an expert on writing menus, because, if you haven’t noticed yet, Aaron is an expert on everything!

Adam, Napoleon, and Mei are all sous chefs, so they’re like “IDGAF about writing menus, really. I came here to dance (cook).” They’re hoping their stellar food will make up for any lack of menu finesse. Melissa, Swayze, and Keriann do not seem to be on the same page at all. Swayze feels strongly, as an I-talian, that they should have some kind red meat for their second course. The team wants seafood, however, and Swayze wants to be a good teammate, so he agrees.

The chefs get into the kitchen for prep and things are pretty hectic. Team Sous Chef is doing a seafood-centric menu, as well, so I’m interested to see how they stack up against Melissa, Swayze, and Keriann. One other thing that happens is that Mei refers to herself as “the fish bitch,” which is another thing I’m just going to leave right there for you.

Melissa is making the most difficult dish on her team, which makes me nervous as hell. She’s doing a fresh ravioli so there’s a lot that could get fucked up. Swayze is doing a chilled seafood salad, while Keriann is searing halibut. Neither dish sounds particularly amazing, so I really, really hope Melissa can make good pasta. Katie, Rebecca and Stacy have tried to create a menu that’s really going to appeal to most people. I have a feeling that they’re a little too preoccupied with making popular food, and not concerned enough with making good food. Stacy proceed to talk about meat for a little while, and I kind of tuned it out so I’m not really sure. Cut your meats, I think.

Turns out Chef Schlow is going to be the expeditor, so he’ll be down in the kitchen the whole time. It’s a little bit of added pressure on the chefs. Aaron and Katsuji are acting like children (surprise!) and both Chef Schlow and Gregory try to use Dad-voice on them so things don’t get out of hand.

Emmy Rossum is the special guest. She’s real pretty. Tom agrees, I think, and awkwardly tries to flirt (?) by comparing her to a picture on the wall. Hmm. Service begins and teams purple (douches + Gregory) and blue (team play it safe) have the most orders come in. Even though it’s not a head to head battle, Aaron decides to point out that Rebecca’s scallop is boring and no challenge to a CULINARY GOD such as himself.

PLOT TWIST: Emmy Rossum is gluten-free. It’ll be interesting to see how all the teams adapt their pasta courses. The judges decide to taste the purple menu first. Unfortunately, everyone likes Aaron’s scallop. Blah, whatever. Katsuji has no idea how to make GF pasta and he also doesn’t really care because he has immunity. He serves his ravioli filling in a bowl and calls it deconstructed. The judges call it bullshit. Gregory makes a wonderful steak, because he wonderful.

The orange team is getting nervous because no one is ordering their menu. Mei reminds them that she’s a fucking badass, and that their food will be good so they don’t need to worry. Blaze is getting anxious for Napoleon’s salad, because Blaze knows that salads usually perform just about as well as desserts on Top Chef (which is to say, not well at all).

Napoleon’s salad is actually quite tasty, however, so they judges move onto HipChef Adam’s pasta course. He’s subbed a polenta cake in for Ms. Rossum, which is a good idea. Everyone is very into the heat. Mei’s dish is perfect, because she is a perfect person. The grey team’s menu (Melissa, Swayze, Keriann) sounds unappealing off the bat because of the chilled seafood salad. Not a lot of diners are ordering it at all. Swayze keeps lamenting the lack of meat on their menu, but he’s happy with his dish. The judges think it seems very dated, which is not the first time that has been said about The Swayz’s food.

Melissa’s ravioli is miles better than Katsuji’s. She also put in the extra effort to make risotto for her GF dish, which I really applaud. Melissa’s been flying under the radar, a little bit, but I think she’s a very solid chef. Keriann puts out a nice halibut- it’s well cooked and sauce has a good olive oil flavor.

Purple, blue, and gray teams definitely selling the most menus. It’s very close, though, so no one can really relax just yet. The judges move onto the blue menu and-OMG Padma just referred to Emmy Rossum as her girlfriend. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. (Aside: I generally hate when anyone under the age of, approximately, 50 refers to platonic female friends as “girl friends,” but I could never hate Padma. My love for her is boundless, especially when she’s talking about Emmy Rossum like she wants to eat her up.)

Rebecca’s scallop is too salty and her charred fennel isn’t actually charred. Katie’s pasta is really flavorful and her GF option – zucchini noodles – is Ms. Rossum’s favorite of the night. Stacy’s steak has a good flavor, but it was cut too thin and her veggies are sad and small.

The judges have tasted all the menus, so they bring Chef Schlow back upstairs to debrief. Things seem to be shaking out as expected, and they all rehash their favorites, as well as dishes that missed the mark. Padma introduces the chefs to Emmy Rossum, and she self-describes as the “annoying GF girl” so I like her even more. At Judges’ Table, Tom gives a little speech about writing menus. He wishes the chefs had taken more risks and I agree. This season is really shaping up to be a bunch of people who don’t necessarily want to win, they’re just trying not to lose. It’s super close between the blue and purple teams, and the purple team ends up winning by a very small margin.

The urge to punch Aaron in the face somehow grows, as he explains that he “proved that he can work on a team.” No, actually, bro, all you did was prove that you could write a popular menu. Maybe if you had worked well with your team, you would know that YOU didn’t win-your team did, you fucking arrogant prick.

Sorry. ::deep breath::

The orange team may not have had a lot of orders, but their food was great. They are all safe. On the other hand, Swayze, Stacy and Rebecca are at the bottom. Stacy takes some shit for cutting her steak thin and overcooking her vegetables. Blaze compares Rebecca’s food to room service. Ouch-what a classic Blaze zinger though. Do you think he practices in front of the mirror? Swayze’s dish needed oil, but instead of responding to that criticism, he starts throwing his teammates under the bus a little. Way harsh, Swayze.

Rebecca and Swayze are going home. That seems like the right call-I’m pretty fine with it. Swayze and Aaron share what can only be described as a classic bro hug. Seriously, it was a pretty textbook maneuver: one guy called the other guy “brother,” they embrace for a lengthy period of time, there’s some solid back slapping. Whatever.

Next week on Top Chef, Mei and Gregory acknowledge one another as contenders. Aaron loses his shit. Melissa admits to smoking weed, basically. (Author’s note: Just today, I was thinking to myself, “Am I being too hard on Aaron? Are the magical editors at Bravo just feeding me the story they want to create?” Well, no and yes. We all know about reality TV can build storylines out of seemingly nothing. But, am I being too hard on Aaron? Hell fucking no, because that man was arrested for domestic violence today. Here’s hoping he doesn’t last much longer on the show, because I can’t really stand to look at his face.)

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button