“Top Chef All-Stars” Recap (8.06): Old Cheftestants and the Sea

This just in: Everyone hates Jamie Lauren. Or, at least everyone is edited to look like they hate Jamie Lauren. Now, let’s return to our regularly scheduled cooking. Actually, wait, I also should note that with or without editing Little Mad Dale seems to really hates Marcel and if he hadn’t taken anger management classes he would have totally beat him to a lumpy puree. Not that Marcel doesn’t deserve it. Also, dude, was he swigging straight from the Bombay gin bottle or what?

Now onto the cooking. The cheftestants wake in the wee small hours of the morning and make their groggy headed way to the Top Chef kitchen. But instead of finding Padma, they find a map and a “Gone Fishin” sign. So looks like they’ll have to do some catching before they can do any cooking.

The chefs are going to Montauk to catch some dinner. The chefs all seem excited to go on the road trip to Long Island. None seem more excited about getting some fish than Tiffani, who is literally jumping for joy. Way to represent for Team Rainbow, honey. These jokes, they write themselves.

Lots of shots ensue of whatever car company Top Chef has made a deal with this season as they drive out to Montauk Point. It’s postcard pretty there or maybe I’m just talking about Padma. She and Tom greet the chefs and tell them about the day’s challenge – yes, singular. Instead of having a Quickfire, there will only be an Elimination Challenge and it will be a double elimination. Their mission is simple: Catch as many fish as they can in five hours and then cook it on the beach for 200 guests.

The chefs split up into four teams of three by drawing numbered fish. I don’t know how this keeps happening, but almost all the women end up on one team again – this time it is Jamie, Tiffani and Antonia. Antonia seems less than pleased to be with the two chefbians, not for that reason, but because she said the last time they cooked together it was a disaster. Wait, were Tiffani and Jamie ever on a team together before? It’s all starting to blur. Whatever, look how cute Tiffani is being with her numbered fish. She also says she’ll wrestle a fish onto the deck with her bare hands if she has to. Once again, these jokes – why am I even here?

Tom tells them to catch a big one and away they go. The teams split up onto two boats. Blais tries to act all “Sure I love fishing. I certainly wouldn’t rather be playing with my liquid nitrogen tanks or anything” with Fabio. He thinks they have the advantage because Fabio’s dad was on the Italian national team. For fishing? Really. Well, all I know is the prize for gayest sunglasses on straight men goes to Angelo and Blais. Seriously, those are mighty gay.

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