Tila Tequila vs. the 8-year-old boy

 
 

About a month ago, two books were published with the same theme: getting girls to like you. The first, How to Talk to Girls was written by an 8-year-old boy. The second, Hooking Up with Tila Tequila: A Guide to Love, Fame, Happiness, Success, and Being the Life of the Party, was written by — well, you don’t need me to tell you; it’s right there in the title.

Because I care about getting girls to like me, I read both books to see which one had better advice. Let’s tackle Tila Tequila first.

The first thing Tila Tequila wants to you know when you open up her book to the beginning chapter — titled "Sluts" — is that you can "f–k off." No kidding, that’s how she starts the book. The next chapter is called "Haters" and in it Tila Tequila is shocked and outraged that she hasn’t been more accepted by the lesbian and bisexual community; or accepted by women in general.

There is an entire chapter dedicated to teaching men what women want. To wit: "No matter how crazy we get, just sit back and go, ‘You know my girl is dramatic. She’s a chick. That’s just how it is.’"

In the chapter about women pleasing other women, Tequila offers this gem: "Sometimes girls get tired of dealing with guys being all tough and macho, and all of a sudden they find themselves being into other chicks."

Got that? Girls are into guys until guys act petulant, and then girls are into other girls for backup. (I cannot figure out why women and lesbians/bisexuals don’t like this woman.)

Tila Tequila’s practical advice on getting girls to like you? Nothing. Seriously. In the "getting a guy to like you" chapter she says you should always act like a lady. (Ironically, she writes that sentence directly after 50 pages of nudey pictures which she suggests you "get your rocks off to.") She also advises girls to not be needy and not call more than twice without a response. Oh, and hold off on having sex until you just absolutely must.

How does the second-grader’s advice in How to Talk to Girls stack up to Tila Tequila’s? Here are some of his tips:

To get a girl to like you, talk to her and get to know her.

Your mom likes you to be clean, and she’s a girl!

Sometimes you get a girl to like you, then she ditches you. Life is hard, move on.

It’s good to let the girl start off the conversation. You want her to talk. If she doesn’t talk, then you have to.

You might talk and play at recess, or sit together at lunch. When you hang out, try not to say anything inappropriate.

When it comes to getting girls to like you, there’s no easy answer. But some answers are better than others. Who do you think gives better advice on chicks: the bisexual reality star or the 8-year-old boy?

 
 

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