Thirteen divulges a millisecond of her lesbian past on “House”

There’s nothing like consoling your significant other with tales of your lesbian dalliances.

In last night’s episode of house, “Epic Fail,” we get a handful of failures on many fronts: House quits after being too emotionally unstable, Foreman assumes the position and is now Thirteen’s boss, Taub quits in order to pursue culinary arts, Thirteen offers to tell a tale of her college lesbianism to Foreman, who later fires her. WTF?

Rewind.

Let’s be honest: The only reason why I watch House is because of Olivia Wilde. I didn’t even start watching the show until I saw the infamous teaser of her hooking up with another woman in the episode “Lucky Thirteen.” I refuse to watch any season before she graced Princeton-Plainsboro (late 2007— yes, I’m obsessed) with her brooding stares, sexy suspenders and medical brilliance.

However, now that Thirteen has romantically joined forces with Foreman to make the yawn-inducing “Foreteen,” I’ve lost all interest; I mean, I don’t want to see some dude (even though Omar Epps is otherwise awesome) macking on my woman!

Nonetheless, my little sister follows the show avidly and obediently gives me any little lesbionic updates involving Thirteen. Being a good little sister, she told me about last night’s brief reference. After her hubby is stressing over his patient, Thirteen placates her lamenting lover by telling him about her “roommate Lindsay” from Sarah Lawrence College. Talk about a cliché. Unfortunately, the scene cut before we could hear anything about Lindsay and Thirteen’s dorm room romps.

Apparently, this doesn’t really do the job (are you serious?) and Foreman is constantly demanding of Thirteen (who doesn’t put up with his crap) and eventually fires her based on conflict of interest. End of episode.

Hold up! Foreman should be on his knees thanking Thirteen for sharing her intelligence, beauty and lesbian stories with him. Are you kidding? I’m really pissed. First of all, the thought of Foreman getting in on such sacred secrets really disturbs me. Second, what a jerk! I only hope that this tiff will result in Foreteen breaking up for good and Lindsay from Sarah Lawrence sweeping Thirteen off of her feet for a lesbian college reunion love fest. Do you think the writers would be up for that? Is it sweeps week yet?

Did anyone else catch the “Epic Failure” that was Monday’s House episode? How annoyed did it make you?

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