They should have called it “THAT is sexy?”

Victoria’s Secret released its annual “What Is Sexy” list last week. Oh, good, another list. Thank heavens, since there aren’t enough of them flooding the Internet already. Yet, like the Enterprise caught in a Borg tractor beam, I am compelled to write about it and therefore perpetuate the never-ending cycle of publicity-hungry corporations creating faux news stories to promote their products. Resistance is futile (wow, that was so geeky).

The female winners:

Sexiest Legs: Cameron Diaz

I would have picked Gwen Stefani. Those gams is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Sexiest Lips: Jennifer Hudson

Angelina would have been too obvious. Still, after JHud’s near bodice-popping performance at the Oscars, another one of her prominent attributes springs to mind. Ahem.

Sexiest Actress: Jessica Alba

Admittedly, she has a body that can only be properly defined as smoking. But for whatever reason, I don’t find her that sexy (Mental disorder? You decide). I think it is because her face still looks so young and unformed. What can I say — I just think laugh lines are sexy.

Sexiest Female Musician: Carrie Underwood

Uh, she’s a little too Malibu-meets-Memphis Barbie for me. The sexy musician choices are infinite, so, really, you could hurl a drumstick in any direction and find someone sexier.

Sexiest Female Athlete: Danica Patrick

No arguments here. She can drive my car whenever she wants.

Sexiest Couple: Jay-Z and Beyoncé

What, Portia and Ellen were busy?

Sexiest Style: Sienna Miller

Please, did no one see the great underwear-as-outerwear debacle from earlier this year? If this is sexy, we’re all doomed to a future of granny panties chic.

Sexiest Mom: Kate Hudson

The whole leaving-her-husband-for-Owen-Wilson thing wasn’t exactly sexy. But if you stare at Owen at the right angle, he kind of looks like Ellen DeGeneres. Now Kate’s decision makes a little more sense.

Sexiest TV Show Cast: Grey’s Anatomy

I would quibble that the Ugly Betty ladies should hold this title. But, fine, whatever. Whiny doctors are apparently hotter.