Last week, I was able to attend the legendary E3 conference — that is, the biggest, baddest, most important video game industry event on the planet. I saw more games, gadgets and scantily clad women than I could shake a Wii remote at, so I’d like to take this opportunity to offer up my take on the best and brightest offerings.
Best Game for Lesbians: “Bayonetta”
Bayonetta is a crazy-fast action game starring a sexy vixen that takes names and kicks a whole lot of demon backside. OK, so the game wasn’t exactly designed with lesbians in mind, but it looks like a fun, solid action game — and the central character is very easy on the eyes.
Best title for a game: “Robacalypse: Beaver Defense”
Yeah, I actually thought this was a joke, (beaver defense?) but it was actually an excellent looking “tower defense” style strategy game for WiiWare (there’s an iPhone version in the works as well, but they drop the subtitle on that one). Seriously, it was incredibly fun, with a beefy variety of options, maps and strategic elements.
Best Game for lovers of Big Sisters: “BioShock 2″
The first BioShock was a runaway hit in 2007, since it featured an amazing dystopian world, one of the best gaming narratives of all time, and cool, customizable combat. The sequel was looking good at the conference, with an emphasis on gunplay and an enigmatic new character, Big Sister. She’s creepy, she’s steampunk-y and she will kick your butt all over Rapture.
Best Game for Everyone: “New Super Mario Bros. Wii”
If you’ve ever picked up a controller and played a 2D Mario game, you’ll feel right at home grabbing a Wii controller and jumping in. It’s a sidescroller (meaning you run and jump from one side of the screen to another) where four players can compete and work together to hop and bop throughout 80 levels. I played this one every time I had a chance to sneak back to Nintendo’s massive display — and I grinned like a 10-year-old the whole time.
Since this was actually my first time at E3 (though I’ve reported on it remotely before), I have to say I was mightily impressed by the sheer spectacle and scale of it all. It was exhilarating, exhausting and, for a total video game geek like me, completely awesome. Now, maybe next year we’ll have an actual game for lesbians!