The Top 9 Rules of Seduction in Lesbian Cinema

 
 

Rule # 4 Be a rock star.

In Loving Annabelle (2006), rebellious teenager Annabelle (Erin Kelly) arrives at a strict, all-girls Catholic high school where the outlook for finding a kindred spirit is decidedly bleak. That is, until she falls for her fetching English teacher, Simone (Diane Gaidry). The heat between them is immediate, mutual and undeniable, but Simone isn't willing to veer away from her conventional life, boyfriend or the letter of the law to be with her underage student.

Annabelle isn't easily dissuaded, and on more than one occasion she nearly wears Simone down with her ballsy relentlessness. The moment of truth finally arrives at the school dance when Annabelle takes to the stage and, guitar in hand, unleashes her inner troubadour. The song she sings is clearly written for Simone, and she punctuates this fact by singing it directly to her. An overwrought Simone runs for the nearest exit, but Annabelle follows and initiates a kiss that propels them straight to the bedroom, where we learn that Annabelle's capable of dominating more than just a guitar.

Sure, Simone has to face the cops the next morning when they are discovered by the shrewish headmistress, but the look on her face as she drives away in the back of the squad car tells us that her indiscretion was totally worth it.

Rule # 5 Fall hard.

In Saving Face (2004), opposites attract when shy, closeted doctor Will (Michelle Krusiec) meets vivacious, out dancer Vivian (Lynn Chen). The reticent, tomboyish Will (who is hemmed in by her traditional Chinese family) is irresistibly drawn to the free-spirited, gorgeous Vivian, who clearly knows what (and who) she wants from the get-go. She ensnares Wil with a note stuck in a hospital vending machine, and Wil just can't resist her adorable charms.

After an amusing date involving fake shopping (you know, you look at clothes while talking to your date so that you're less nervous), the two end up back at Vivian's loft, where Wil learns that Vivian volunteers with urban kids, teaching them "how to fall without hurting themselves." She gracefully demonstrates, and then cajoles Wil into taking a trial spill herself.

"When I say fall, you totally let go," Vivian explains. "OK? Fall." But Wil's stiff, locked down demeanor doesn't really lend itself to any sort of release. Vivian's solution? To slowly, seductively sidle up to Wil as if she's about to kiss her. Yep, that works. Wil collapses to the ground in a heap of painful self-consciousness, grimacing, "That was … fun." When Vivian tumbles down next to her, it's only moments before she lures her in for a kiss — and then Wil falls for real. Who knew hitting the ground could feel so good?

Rule # 6 Bond with her dog.

In Christopher Guest's outrageously deadpan mockumentary about the world of dog shows, out lesbian actress Jane Lynch plays Christy Cummings, an obnoxiously competive dog trainer hired to show the prize pooch belonging to Sherri Ann Ward Cabot, the ditzy blonde trophy bride of an elderly millionaire. Christy and Sherri Ann bicker over everything (including a particularly memorable scrap over Sherri Ann's vision for Christy's eye makeup) on the long road to the prestigious Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show, but it's all just a cover up for the sexual tension brewing beneath their collective surface.

At the big show, Christy proudly struts around the ring with poodle Rhapsody in tow while Sherri Ann anxiously puckers her collagen-inflated lips. When their advancement to the semi-finals is announced, Christy rushes to the sidelines to celebrate the victory with Sherri Ann. The TV cameras are rolling as their hug turns into an explosive makeout session, prompting one of their recently eliminated competitors to snark to his boyfriend, "Rhapsody has two mommies."

Though Christy and Sherri Ann ultimately experience the heartbreak of defeat at the Mayflower, they find love with one another and join forces to launch a new magazine devoted to "the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner." The name? American Bitch.

Pages: 1 2 3
 
 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,