7. Martina Navratilova gets served (with a palimony suit).
Breakups are bad. And they’re even worse when you have to pay your ex a whopping part of your income for the privilege of never having to deal with her crap again. But what if you had to pay your ex, the nasty breakup makes national headlines, and then said ex writes a trashy tell-all about your doomed romance? Those cheesy E! specials would call this phenomenon "the dark side of Hollywood" — or in this case, Wimbledon.
In 1991, Judy Nelson, tennis champion Martina Navratilova’s partner of eight years, filed a palimony suit after being dumped by her famous lesbian girlfriend. Nelson claimed that throughout the course of their relationship she had been paid $90,000 per year for her services as Navratilova’s "maid" (and lover, and traveling companion), and she asked the court to award her 50 percent of Navratilova’s fortunes. The two eventually settled out of court, and the terms of the settlement have never been publicly disclosed.
In 1993, Nelson wrote (or rather "contributed to") a tell-all about her romance with Navratilova, Love Match: Nelson vs. Navratilova. In it, she offers details of her pre-Navratilova life as a Texas beauty queen and heterosexual wife and mother, as well as her fated first meeting with Navratilova, their romance and their exchange of rings and vows in an empty church in Australia.
But wait: It gets worse. Lesbian author Rita Mae Brown, who had also dated Navratilova, wrote the introduction to Judy Nelson’s book, casting Judy as a "latter-day Doris Day." Maybe that’s because Rita, by that time, was dating Judy. All of this just proves the theory that even in the celezbian world, there are only six of us, and we’ve all already dated.
The moral of this story: Like Kanye West, you too should want prenup.
8. Kristanna Loken takes a bite out of Bloodrayne.
Here at AfterEllen.com, it’s a given that we collectively love Kristanna Loken. It’s not just a given — I’m pretty sure it’s a requirement. She’s out, beautiful, gives candid interviews, is out, is a good actor and is out. Did I mention that she’s out? There are so few actors willing to take the plunge and come out as lesbian or bisexual, and we love her for being one of them.
As far as her acting goes, we thought she rocked The L Word (despite rumored unfriendliness on the set per Loken) this past season, and she classed up the listless sci-fi (ahem) "thriller" Painkiller Jane. But not even Loken’s statuesque beauty and ass-whipping dexterity with a broadsword could save the stink bomb that was Bloodrayne.
Released in 2005, written by out writer/actor Guinevere Turner, and based on a video game (never a good sign), Bloodrayne told the story of an 18th-century half-vampire/half-human who sets out to avenge her mother’s rape by her father. Kind of like what Olivia (Mariska Hargitay) is doing in Law & Order: SVU, but without the intermittent "Dun-DUNNNNNNNN."
As she sets about avenging, she gets into all sorts of melodramatic scrapes, including a smack down/flirt fest with vampire hunter Katarin (Michelle Rodriguez). The whole thing is a bloody mess that not even Loken’s turn as redhead (!) can salvage.
The moral of this story: If you need a first-class vampire slayer, call Buffy.