The top 10 ugly-cry TV moments of 2013

 
 

If you are a gay lady who watches TV, you know that you are engaging in a contact sport. It hurts and sometimes you’re going to cry. It’s not just that lesbian and bisexual characters are always getting killed off like collateral damage; it’s also that complicated, empowered, interesting female characters, in general, are so scarce that their storylines pack an extra-powerful punch. It’s especially true for the queer characters we hold so dear because they’re still so few and far between. So, with those things in mind, here are the top 10 TV moments that made us ugly-cry.

10. Liz Lemon bids us adieu (30 Rock)

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These were the best days of my flerm.

9. Emily blows up her U-Haul promise to Paige (Pretty Little Liars)

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“Thanks for getting me an appointment with an Olympic swim coach to help me rehab my shoulder after I broke it saving two of my friends from getting hit by a car being driven by a person wearing a mask of my dead ex-girlfriend’s face, but I think I’m going to skip Stanford and stay here and get killed some more.”

8. Regina makes Emma’s dreams come true (Once Upon a Time)

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Yeah, sure, OUAT writers, Emma and Regina aren’t in True Love with each other. Regina only sacrificed her own life and her own story to send Emma back in time to live the life she’d always wanted. She gave up everything for Emma and for their son. Everything. That made me cry almost as much as those two not kissing when they were clearly so close(!) to kissing.

7. Portia de Rossi’s Lindsay Bluth wig is busted (Arrested Development)

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You gotta get up awfully early and start plotting your nefariousness to make Portia de Rossi’s face look weird, but that’s just what Arrested Development‘s makeup team did when the new season kicked off on Netflix. They made her hairline look like it was receding. And when Mitch Hurwitz asked why the wig made her whole head look different, they were like, “Eh, it’s too small.” WHY, TV GODS, WHY?! YOU JUST WANT TO HURT US!

6. The Fosters theme song wants to adopt us (The Fosters)

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It’s not where you come from, OK? It’s where you belong. Nothin’ they would trade. They wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re surrounded by love, and you’re wanted. So, never feel alone. You are home with Stef and Lena, right where you belong. (Here, have some pancakes.)

5. Jenny dies a little bit (Doctor Who)

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If Rose Tyler isn’t safe from heartbreak in the timeline of The Doctor, none of us are safe. So when Madame Vastra’s wife, the sweet/kick-ass housemaid Jenny, died in “The Name of the Doctor,” we thought she was gone for good. And of course she was apologizing the whole time. Luckily, a time lord can fix a lot of broken things, including hearts.

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