The “Teen Choice Awards” choose Miley Cyrus

 
 

Remember when I prophesied that Miley Cyrus and her band of Merry Tweens were going to take over the world? Well, in less than 48 hours it has come to pass. Wait, maybe I made it happen. Maybe I blogged it into existence. Maybe I’m blognipotent. Um, Lauren Graham will call to ask me out for dinner. I said: Lauren Graham will call to ask me out for dinner!

OK, maybe not, which is just as well, because I would use that power for selfish ends anyway. Also it means I don’t have to take responsibility for this: In addition to being nominated for four Teen Choice Awards (Choice TV Actress: Comedy, Choice TV Comedy, Choice Music: Single and Choice Music: Female Artist), Miley Cyrus is going to host the show — just another step in her plan for global domination. (I’ll bet Pinky phones her every night. “What are we going to do tonight, Miley?” he asks. “The same thing we do every night, Pinky: TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!”)

Ahem.

The CW’s Gossip Girl racked up 14 nominations, leaving executives of the flailing network even more befuddled as to why no one is watching their shows.

Fox’s Teen Choice Awards are similar to Nickelodeon’s Kid’s Choice Awards in that they are voted on by teenage viewers; people wear whatever they want to the show; there are no morbid death montages like at the Oscars; the award itself is a surfboard instead of a trophy; and the categories are pretty awesome.

Here are some of my favorites:

Choice Movie: Villain

Cate BlanchettIndiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Jeff BridgesIron Man

Johnny DeppSweeney Todd

Samuel L. JacksonJumper

Susan SarandonEnchanted

Choice TV: Villain

Ed WestwickGossip Girl

Michael RosenbaumSmallville

Spencer PrattThe Hills

Vanessa WilliamsUgly Betty

Zachary QuintoHeroes

(Although, isn’t it a little strong to call Chuck Bass a villain?)

Choice TV: Personality

Heidi KlumProject Runway

Lil MamaAmerica’s Best Dance Crew

Ryan SeacrestAmerican Idol, E! News

Simon CowellAmerican Idol

Tyra BanksAmerica’s Next Top Model

(May I just ask: where is Cat Deeley?)

Choice Female Hottie

Blake Lively

Hayden Panettiere

Megan Fox

Rihanna

Vanessa Hudgens

(Again, with the omissions! If Blake Lively is there, so should there be room for Leighton Meester!)

Choice Female Athlete

Shawn Johnson – Gymnastics

Candace Parker – Basketball

Danica Patrick – Indy Car Racing

Maria Sharapova – Tennis

Serena Williams – Tennis

Choice Action Sports Female

Dallas Friday – Women’s Wakeboarding

Gretchen Bleiler – Snowboarder

Hannah Teter – Snowboarding

Kristi Leskinen – Freestyle Skiing

Stephanie Gilmore – Surfing

If you are between the ages of 13-19, you can vote at the Teen Choice Awards website. The show will air on August 4th on Fox — a perfect match for Miley Cyrus. If she teams with the omniscient producers of American Idol and the omnipresent Ryan Seacrest, it is only a matter of time before the power of the sun will be in the palm of her hand.

 
 

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