“The Real World: San Diego” recap: Episode 2


The next day, Zach, Nate and Ashley go to the gym. Ashley climbs on top of the leg press, and then Zach decides to climb onto the leg press as well, right behind Ashley. Assume the position!

At the house, as Nate is getting ready for his second date with Dana, Zach manages to sneak into Ashley’s wardrobe and put on one of her booty shorts, commando. He runs out of her closet looking like a Chelsea go-go dancer. Priscilla approves. Frank approves. Ashley does not approve. While booty-gate is in progress, Nate calls Dana, who cancels on their date. Zach takes a dejected Nate out on the town. “Let’s go pick up some bitches!” they shout.

Within minutes, Nate wanders to a group of girls and proceeds to pick up another blonde, whose name is also Dana. “That’s convenient,” he blurts out. Even after being called out on just being rejected by another girl named Dana, Dana #2 doesn’t appear to mind being Dana #1’s stunt double and agrees to hang out with him.

Alexandra invites two friends over to write music and jam. The roommates walk downstairs and are awed by their talent, especially Frank, who cannot stop staring at Alexandra. Cue “Every Breath You Take” by The Police.

Suddenly everyone notices that Nate is missing. Where’s Waldo? Turns out Waldo is on the most awkward date ever with Dana 2.0. There is absolutely no chemistry between them. Nevertheless, Nate brings her back to the Real World pad, where he enlists Sam to help him ditch her. Sam ushers her into the bathroom, and everyone jumps into the van and speeds away. Nate, you have ditched her at the bar! It doesn’t take a nuclear engineer to figure that one out. Most. Inefficient. Rejection. Ever.

The crew goes clubbing, and it’s 18 and over night so Priscilla joins the festivities as Snooki’s doppleganger.

The next day, the roommates attempt and fail at surfing again. Priscilla and Ashley skip out on surfing altogether and have an extended conversation about Ashley’s ass and its cosmic connection to Zach. I do believe that Zach will actually make physical contact with Ashley’s ass by the end of the season.

That night, the roommates go to a club and Frank attempts to hit on a few people and strikes out. His solution is to down his weight in alcohol. He becomes belligerent, and the roommates decide it’s time to go home. In the car, he calls Ashley a slut, attempts to hit Priscilla and bangs futilely on the car window.

At the house, the boys take Frank to the roof to talk to him, where he segues from an angry, violent drunk to an unintelligible, emotional drunk. First he says the girls were mean to him. Then he says people have issues with his sexuality. Zach and Nate assure him that they are on his side. Nate tells him that although he is “freaked out” by his sexuality, he respects him as a person. Someone should tell these guys that you can’t reason with any kind of drunk. All you can do is put him to bed and hope he doesn’t vomit on himself.

The next morning, as Frank enters the kitchen, the tension is as intense as the smell in a Port-a-potty on the second day of a summer music festival. Realizing the smell is coming from his direction, Frank breaks a dish on the ground. Alexandra follows him and confronts him about his anger management issues.

Later, Frank calls a meeting to apologize to his roommates. He breaks down and cries, telling everyone that a few days before he moved into the Real World house, his dad had called him a faggot and had thrown him out of the house. The girls are sympathetic. The guys, less so.

“There are very few reasons a man should cry,” says Zach. “And this is not one of them.”

Zach and Nate retreat to the bathroom where they talk about their feelings about talking about feelings. They both agree that they don’t like talking about feelings. “This is going to be an interesting ride,” says Nate, and they both cackle like hyenas.

The episode ends at a country western bar, where the cosmic connection between Zach and Ashley‘s ass becomes stronger. Ashley admits that she is attracted to him. “I’m not drinking tequila around him. That’s for damn sure,” says Ashley. We’ll see.

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