“The Real World: Ex-Plosion” recap (29.8): Betrayed and Beatdown

This episode starts out with Brian being emo about kissing a girl at the club the previous night, despite promising Jenny he would be a Boy Scout.

“Last night I was getting in my head really hard, and I was thinking about a lot of different stuff,” he tells Cory. No, that was your other head getting hard, so you weren’t thinking, sweets.

Cory remarks, “If Jenny finds out about Brian talking to this chick. POW! Straight to the face.” Remember this statement.

Cut to Jenna in the kitchen. She sings, “Guess what I have?”

Jay responds, “A vagina?”

Jenna says, “What else?”

Jay says, “Hair surrounding it?”

There must be a fundamental flaw in the design of the universe if guys like this can get women to fall for them.

Next the producer asks Thom how he would feel if Hailey were to bring a guy back to the house.

“That would be totally disrespectful,” he responds.

But he canoodles with Jamie all over the house with impunity. Hailey’s side eye says it all.

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Meanwhile, Brian is still brooding about his little smoochie smooch at the club and crawls into a fetal position, trying to figure out a way to tell Jenny without receiving an epic beat down.

He continues to sweat in a fetal position as the rest of the house goes dancing at the club. At the club, Hailey decides to make conversation with a young man named “Random Guy.”

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Thom flips his lid and starts ranting nonsensically to Cory, who tells us he does not understand Thom’s problem—or his grasp of the English language.

Then Jay and Cory and Jamie go to the gym, and Jay proceeds to get a girl’s number, as everyone else shakes their heads.

Brian and Jenny go to a restaurant, and then Brian, noting that the restaurant is packed with potential witnesses to assault and battery, which might be a deterrent against Jenny committing any such crime and decides to tell Jenny that he kissed the girl at the club.

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Jenny wants to slap him but notes that they are at a crowded restaurant.

“Smart move, Brian,” she says. But she gains the upper hand by locking him out of the house. After someone lets him in, Jenny confronts him.

“You have just lit the flames of hell,” she tells him.

And we’re at the club again. Hailey flirts with a German guy and gets his number. Thom’s head explodes. Then Jenny flirts with the same German guy and Brian’s head explodes.

Thom yells at Hailey to “Go home, bitch.” Oh the Southern charm is just oozing out of him, isn’t it.

Jenny starts making out with the German guy and she tells us, “A German kiss: It’s just like a French kiss except with more passion.”

Then everyone gets back to the house and some roommates drunkenly fall into the confessional—and Ashley orders pizza while Arielle wiggles her bum in front of her. Just a normal night at the Real World House.

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Then Jenny beats her hands on the kitchen counter and taunts Brian, who kind of deserves it. “It’s not your world. It’s my world bitch. Take a step back, and wish you would, bitch!” she says, and peaces out.

Jay remarks that he and Jenna are the only couple that doesn’t fight and everything is fine. Jamie hears this and shoots daggers at him with her eyes. Jenna isn’t happy, and everyone in the house knows this except for Jay. Even Cory tells Jenna to speak up. Jenna starts crying and Jay walks off like a small child.

Arielle is annoyed that everyone is flipping out around her. All she wants is her pizza. Finally, the pizza arrives.

5 Hallelujah!

Arielle sees the tension rising and grudingly decides to abandon the pizza for peace and quiet. Then Jenny starts slapping Brian across the face, and Arielle runs back and helps Cory separate the two of them. Jenny breaks free and does a roundhouse kick. Money shot!

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Arielle tells us, “I am impressed, because that was a really impressive kick, but I don’t know if we need to roundhouse kick our roommates. So I will never get to my pizza; it’s just never going to happen.” No pizza? /sadface

Meanwhile, Jay and Jenna are fighting in the next room, security comes in and trail Jenny and Brian around. Arielle is still mad about not getting to eat her pizza in peace and tells the rest of the house, “I am going to cuddle like crazy right now” and goes to bed.

The next morning Brian tells the producer he had a dream about having the choice to save a bunch of women from a tsunami, and he didn’t choose Jenny. He chose the woman who met all of his expectations, and therefore, he decides that he is going to focus on himself.

“There are other fish in the sea, and they are all so colorful,” he says. “Jenny is the giant mythological squid, wraps her tentacles around the ship and pulls it under.”

Jenny starts throwing Brian’s belongings around the house, and Brian asks for security. Finally, Brian moves his stuff out of their room into Jay’s.

“I’m gonna Bruce Lee both of ‘em,” says Cory.

So do we. So do we.

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