The episode starts out with Jay and Cory complaining that they have lost control of the situation, once the producers allowed their exes to move in, as if signing up for a reality show puts you in the driver’s seat rather than the back seat without a seatbelt in an alcohol soaked road trip through hell.
Then Thomas revokes the girlfriend label from Jamie, telling her that he just doesn’t do labels. Jamie asks him whether he and Hailey were boyfriend and girlfriend, and he said yes, “boyfriend and girlfriend.” But then he continues telling Jamie that he doesn’t do the whole boyfriend and girlfriend thing. Is he listening to himself?
Yeah, we’re confused too.
Then he tells Hailey he wants everyone except the original six roommates to go home. Classy.
Back at the house, Arielle and Ashley discuss the fallout around them. Arielle complains that there are too many emotions flying around in the house and that she is tired. If the lesbians are whining about the presence of too many feels, you know the feels level is beyond anything humans should be experiencing.
The feels are making Thomas a little crazy, and Arielle finds him in a corner of the house humming like a lunatic to himself. She tells us that he is a really sweet guy but that he has short circuited.
“I’ve never lived with 10 other people before!” Arielle tells us, shaking her head.
Half the roommates go to the beach, and Jenny tells Lauren that she and Cory never had an emotional connection, and Lauren tells Jenny that she isn’t so bothered by Jenny and Cory’s fling. Then Jenny tells Lauren and Hailey that boys are like puppies. “You don’t give him food when he begs. You give him food when he brings in the newspaper,” she says. It makes sense, but then why is every guy in the house getting treats when they can’t even pee on the wee wee pad?
Then it’s back to the club. Jamie sees Thomas stroking Hailey’s leg and freaks out. “Don’t touch her leg like that!” she yells out. Thomas tells us that he feels nothing for Hailey and that Jamie should just chill out. So, yeah, I touch my friends’ thighs all the time bro. Suuure.
Back at the house Jamie is on the phone with her BFF Hannah and she and Thomas get into a shouting match, as Hailey’s eyes gleam with glee. Jamie and Hannah call Thomas a manchild, and Thomas calls Jamie a bitch, then runs off to Hailey and tells her he loves her. Who is this kid?
Then at the bar Jenny and Brian get into a fight because Brian doesn’t like Jenny’s attention seeking antics while she is in public. Jenny responds by yelling “America! Fuck yeah!” and jumps around in front of the bar. Brian then tells Jenny that when he’s not around everyone else gets the ride her, and Jenny storms off. The rest of the roommates look on, munching on imaginary popcorn.
At the house, Brian processes his feelings to Arielle. He tells her that he doesn’t feel emotionally safe around Jenny. Jenny pops by and then she and Brian get into a fight, which ends with Jenny jumping around the kitchen with a knife. Arielle walks away, lies down on the floor and shakes her head.
Then Thomas tells Jamie he wants to gets back together with her and she agrees. What did Jenny say about puppies and treats? Oy.
Later on, Thomas reveals to Hailey that he doesn’t trust women because she lied to him about being a virgin. Is this conversation really happening? When is this episode going to end? Not soon enough.
Meanwhile, Cory and Lauren run off to a bedroom and smush like bunnies. What seems like the next day but probably wasn’t, Lauren takes a pregnancy test.
It comes out positive. Is Cory the father? Someone call Maury, stat.