“The Real L Word” recap: Episode 309 – “Perfect Day”

Cori and Kacy are at home trying to pick out outfits to wear to Whitney and Sara’s wedding, and we learn that Cori is no longer pregnant. A few days after the positive result, she went to the doctor, who said that the chances of the pregnancy sticking were low, and then she got her period. Cori tells us she is just tired of trying to get pregnant, and she throws out another solution – how does Kacy feel about carrying a child?

Although Kacy shows Cori a brave face and said she would do it for her if she really wanted her to, you get the feeling that she’d rather run a marathon in 20 degree weather completely naked while being paddled by a drill sergeant.

She tells us, “I have a very loose relationship with my vagina. I only check in every so often. I’m not really in touch with my cycle. My period always surprises me. And if I got pregnant I would have to be, in like, a one on one relationship with my vagina, and it’s scary! There’s someone coming out of you! It’s just scary!”

So lawd sweet baby Jesus let the stork just fly in with a little bundle of joy, ‘cause she don’t want to talk to her hoo hoo. Amen.

The two then decide to take a break from the pregnancy thing and just have fun, like going zip lining or going to the beach. Or…

Watch out, Las Vegas! You’re going to be introduced to this gal right here.

It’s the Coco cabana!

And now it is one day to Sara and Whitney’s wedding, and Sara is beside herself with joy. Or inside herself. Or climbing outside of herself.

She tells us, “I feel like the inside of my body is going to jump out of my body and there’s going to be a little body suit lying there… like if I could zip myself down and crawl out of my body and run really fast and jump really high and go crazy and shake my head!!”

And then she bounces around in her seat like Honey Boo Boo on Go Go Juice and Whitney is all:

Sara is giddy and flitting around on Cloud 9 and it doesn’t look like anything could invade her zone of happiness. But this is The Real L Word, so you know some bullshit is just around the corner.

Sara receives a text. Then her eyes widen. Girl looks like she just got blown off Cloud 9 and fell into the Twilight Zone.

She hollers across the house. “Baaaabe! Can you come here please??”

Whitney takes her time wandering in. “Yah?”

“I don’t think you understand the text message I just got,” says Sara. “Romi is in Vegas right now getting married.”

Whitney pauses to process the news. “Whaaaat? To Kelsey? I don’t understand.”

Sara: No, to that dude!
Whitney: Which dude? Which one?
Sara: That fuckin’ Dusty guy!

Sara, who is no longer dancing in her seat and talking about jumping out of her imaginary body suit, tells us that Romi will go to any lengths to get one up on Whitney and Sara. She says that Romi is even being competitive about their wedding date.

She tells Whitney, “I’m sending her a text message. Fuck this! I have to! I need her to know that I know she’s an idiot. Like, really? I can’t. I CANNOT.”

Uh oh, a text message. Shit’s getting real. What’s next? Twitter? No, that’s so 2011. Instagram!

Sara tells us, “If anyone is ruining the sanctity of marriage it is not gay people. It is people like her who go and get married on a whim just because they can.”

Romi wasn’t available for comment at that time, so we got Eric Cartman to do an impression of her.

He even got the makeup spot on. Outstanding!

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