“The Real L Word” recap: Episode 308 – “Premonitions”

And then we fall into another black hole featuring Romi and Dusty’s petting farm, which only consists of the two of them, and no one wants to pet them, so they just pet each other.

Can someone just lock them in there and throw away the key?

Dusty: [purring] Our first dressing room session…
Romi: And we match.
Dusty: And we match.
Romi: Perfect.

All right, I can’t take these two anymore. Since all of this vomitrocious stroke-age between Dusty and Romi doesn’t look like it’s going to end anytime soon, here’s a little exercise to do every time you see a Dusty and Romi touch-a-thon. Look below. It’s Switz, standing next to a girl who is clearly awesome.

Courtesy of Time Out New York

Remember Switz? She is the girl who was already fitted with a mic when she “randomly” hit on Lauren earlier this season. Then at Dinah Shore, she mysteriously appears next to Lauren and Amanda at the Hunter Valentine show. She also never takes off her headband. So, every time you see Dusty and Romi feel each other up, to cure the rising feeling of nausea, think of Switz’s headband, which has magic qualities. Otherwise she wouldn’t wear it all the time. Hope this helps.

As the video shoot begins, Romi tells us, “We were definitely flirting, and I was just really trying to use that as the creative drive for the two of us.”

Oh the things people do for the sake of art.

The director calls for a break, and Romi and Dusty re-assume their favorite position, making us all wish that we were watching a Looney Tunes cartoon and an anvil would magically fall from the sky and land on them.

It’s going to be OK, readers. Channel the power of the headband.

During the break Kelsey shows up on set to support Romi.

She tells us, “I’m excited to be there for Romi and be there for her and just see what they’ve been working on.”

Then Kelsey notices that Romi and Dusty are unusually friendly. In fact, Romi completely ignores her, so Kelsey approaches the two of them to make small talk. When she comes within earshot, all conversation stops, and Romi and Dusty seem to be laughing about an inside joke.

Kelsey tells us, “It was almost like I was walking into a conversation that I wasn’t supposed to, or just like, I wasn’t welcome in that conversation. And I was like whoa, this is weird! Like, I’m not going to come up to my girlfriend and feel like I can’t talk to my girlfriend, like I’m in a weird… situation.”

And the hot air coming from Romi and Dusty’s general direction finally starts to blow Kelsey’s rose colored glasses off her face.

After witnessing more gratuitous petting between the two, Kelsey tells us that their behavior isn’t right and that they are touching each other inappropriately. “I’m your girlfriend and I’m with you. Like, have some fucking respect!” she tells us. But she decides not to say anything to Romi and stews in silence.

Then Romi notices that Kelsey isn’t sharing her elation. Gee, maybe it’s because Dusty’s sweat is laced with MDMA, and Kelsey is not touching him all the time – or maybe it’s because Romi is acting like a selfish twat. Romi tells Kelsey she would rather not have her on set if she is just going to hold her back from how she wants to act.

Romi is indignant and getting no sympathy from Kelsey, she tries to get it from the viewing audience, “I don’t have time for it. I don’t have time for it right now. I have things I have to do. I can’t do this right now!”


Kelsey, suddenly realizing that she is not wearing a dog collar and that she can exercise her free will, starts to walk off the set. Romi runs after her, continuing to berate her.

Romi tells Kelsey that she upset that she isn’t more supportive of her singing, “something she’s dreamed about doing her entire life,” but Kelsey tells her she tried to show support but Romi didn’t hear her – she was too busy sticking her head up Dusty’s dusty ass. Which Romi is this anyway? Is it the same one who has wanted to make jewelry her entire life? She’s definitely not the one whose only boyfriend was Jay, right? Are there even more Romis running around? I am so confused.

“Today is my day!” Romi tells us. “I am shooting a video that is all about… me!” How could Kelsey ruin it by wanting some basic respect?

And then Kelsey continues to walk. It is like seeing a baby bird taking flight for the first time.

Channel Usain Bolt! Keep running! Don’t look back! Go, Kelsey, go!

Romi returns to the set and tells Dusty that Kelsey left, because she doesn’t understand the way one has to act in order to make a music video. Dusty agrees, and the two of them go back to acting like every other musician who needs to channel creativity by rubbing against each other.

No, don’t reach for the Pepto. Think of the magic headband!

An artist? No.

Moving along.

Kiyomi and Lauren go to a park, and Kiyomi tells Lauren that she wants to ask her a serious question and tells her not to get nervous.

Then Kiyomi starts making out with her, because that’s what Kiyomi does when things get awkward and she doesn’t know what to say. Eventually, she gets the courage to ask Lauren whether they want to go steady, and Lauren is all about it.

“You’re my girlfriend!” Kiyomi tells Lauren.

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