Back to LA. Amanda tells Lauren that all this Kiyomi talk is driving her to the point of self-harming. “You’re talking about [Kiyomi] constantly to the point where I want to, like, gouge my eyes out with a fork.”
Then Amanda says that, while she hasn‘t been sold on the situation, she wants Lauren to be happy and adds “But if she does anything and dicks you over, yeah I’ll hire a hit man.”
Kacy meets up with her mom for lunch, and she tells her mother that, while people are generally very understanding towards Cori, sometimes people are dismissive of her own sadness about losing Charlie, which is upsetting. Then Kacy tells us that her mother tried for ten years to get pregnant and went through four miscarriages before she delivered her sister and that now it seems that she is going through the same thing. Kacy’s mom points out that a lot of couples who have gone through miscarriages or preterm deliveries get so discouraged that they walk away from each other but that Kacy and Cori have handled it well. Kacy tells her mom that the doctors have cleared the couple to try again and that they plan to soon as they can.
Far far away in Connecticut, Whitney and Sara have landed and are drinking wine at Whitney’s mother and grandmother’s house before dinner.
Whitney’s best friend from childhood, Tiffany, and her boyfriend arrive for dinner as well. And then Tiffany has an announcement.
“Me and Luigi. We’re thinking about getting married!”
Whitney and Sara’s react with less enthusiasm than Momma Mixter’s blank stare in response to Whitney and Sara’s engagement announcement.
Whitney tells us, “Tiffany starts talking about her wedding. I didn’t even know that she was engaged! What the fuck??”
Translation: “Wait! Season Three is all about MY engagement and marriage! Did you just steal my thunder on MY show?”
Meanwhile, in LA, Romi struts up to a couple of music producers wearing a full length fur coat in the middle of April.
She wants to be a pop star, something no reality show cast member has ever thought of. Well, except Real Housewives of Atlanta Kim Zolciak, who released “Don’t Be Tardy for the Party.” Oh, and Real Housewives of New Jersey Melissa Gorga, Real Housewives of Orange County Jo de la Rosa, and Real Housewives of New York Countess Luann. There’s also Amazing Race and A-List New York’s Reichen Lehmkuhl.
And the one tragic track we must not forget, “Close To You,” Real Housewives Of New Jersey Danielle Staub’s duet with “lesbian superstar” and possible ex Lori Michaels. Because this is the worst musical performance ever to air on television, it is special, and I have embedded it for posterity.