“The Real L Word” recap: Episode 306 – “Lost in a Bush”

Meanwhile back in the courtyard of degenerates, Kiyomi and Lauren, realizing that their time at Dinah is coming to an end, sneak away for some last chance nookie. Kiyomi asks Lauren whether she likes it rough, and Lauren says, “I like everything. I like it soft.”

“Yeah right,” says Kiyomi.

The two disappear to find out who is right.

The two disrobe in Lamanda, Whitney and Sara’s hotel room and start stroking their way down the road to full on smushing.

But the party of two is caught in flagrante delicto by Lauren’s boisterous roommates. Whitney and Sara burst into the room and jump onto the bed, causing Kiyomi and Lauren to scatter like grease fleeing a stream of Palmolive. Meanwhile, Amanda makes as much noise as she possibly can, possibly to distract herself from having to process the sight in front of her.

With Kiyomi and Lauren out of their way, Sara and Whitney claim the bed and start getting it on. Disgusted and suffering from blue vadge, Kiyomi leaves to get some ice, and Amanda follows her out of the room.

A tipsy Lauren is left alone with Whitney and Sara, who are happily licking each other’s tonsils.

It’s choose your own adventure time. What will Lauren do?

She tells us, “It’s Dinah. I’m intoxicated. Whitney and Sara making out is pretty hot.”

Will she film the scene and post it on Facebook?

Will she stay in the room and touch herself?

Will she follow Kiyomi outside and throw her against a wall in a broom closet?

No, none of these things!

She jumps in and starts making out with Sara.

Damn you, stupid graphic!

And then she turns around and starts making out with Whitney.

Argh, I am almost out of room on this thing! Make this stop!

“Lauren is hot. Whitney is hot. Put them together, and it can be a sexy explosion,” says Sara.

But that’s not the only explosion that can be heard. At this precise moment, Kiyomi and Amanda return to the room with a bucket of ice.

And then a distinct eruption can be felt originating from the general direction of Kiyomi’s head.

After a few minutes of cooling off, Kiyomi decides the best course of action is to leave the wreckage behind, and she goes back to her hotel room, alone.

Finally, it is time to leave Palm Springs, and the girls one by one pack their soiled belongings to drive to LA for the Real L Word publicity photoshoot. As Lauren is about to leave, she receives a text.

Perhaps the tale of Pinky and the Shane isn’t over yet.

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