“The Real L Word” recap: Episode 306 – “Lost in a Bush”


Before the details of the orgy can be orchestrated, though, Kacy and an inebriated Cori walk up to the gang, and Cori motorboats Kacy in front of everyone, leaving Whitney uncharacteristically speechless.

Brrrrrrrrphhhhhhh!!! LOLZ!!!

And then it is time for Hunter Valentine to perform. Everyone crowds around the stage, except for Romi and Kelsey. Romi says she has no idea who the people Hunter Valentine are, and they are friends with the mean girls anyway, so she and Romi retreat to their hotel room.

As Kiyomi and gang swig whiskey and start pounding at their instruments, Lauren starts swooning.

Look carefully. It’s Switz a/k/a Sporty Spice from Episode 304, 3,000 miles from Brooklyn. Coincidence?

Lauren pauses enough from hyperventilating in her aroused state to tell us, “When I first met Kiyomi I thought she was attractive, but then [Hunter Valentine] goes on stage, and they play… She is so hot. Then hearing her voice, was like, ‘Wow!’”

Whitney weighs in. “I could practically see Lauren’s full on erection for Kiyomi just waving in the wind. By the end of the performance, she blew her load on herself.”

Back at Romi and Kelsey’s hotel room, there is a knock on the door. A relatively sober Kacy and a not at all sober Cori walk in. Cori immediately grabs Romi’s breasts and exclaims, “Wow, Romi! Your boobs are bigger than I thought!”

Not wanting to leave Kelsey out, Cori jumps on the bed and spanks her. Before Kelsey can react, Cori grabs Kelsey’s hips and starts humping her from behind, which is probably the only time Kelsey has been topped since reconnecting with Romi.

Kacy explains to us that Cori has an alter ego named Coco, and Coco comes out and takes of Cori’s mind and body when she drinks. “Kelsey got bent over, Coco style,” she says.

Back at a tent near the pool party, Lauren confronts Kiyomi about her situation with Ali. Kiyomi characterizes her relationship with Ali as “non-monogamous.”

I am telling you. There are cylons everywhere. We’re doomed.

Lauren tells Kiyomi that “a friend” told her that Kiyomi was living with her girlfriend. Kiyomi correctly guesses that the “friend” is Amanda. Kiyomi sighs and explains that she crashed at Ali’s for a week after returning from recording her record in Canada. Satisfied with this explanation, Lauren agrees to leave the party with Kiyomi and make out with her on the grass.

Amanda notices that they have disappeared and tells us, “Either they are making out in the bathroom or they are staring at each other’s eyes or lost in a bush somewhere.”

Later that night, Kiyomi goes drinking with her bandmates. She pulls Laura aside. “Dude,” she says. “I can’t hang out with that girl anymore.”

“Why?” asks Laura.

“Because I have a crush on her!” says Kiyomi.

Laura tells us that Kiyomi acts differently around Lauren than she does around Ali. Her voice gets squeaky high but most of all, while Kiyomi normally looks in the mirror all the time, she is doing it five times as much, “so you know Kiyomi likes Lauren.” That’s funny. Usually when someone stares at herself in the mirror all the time it means she is in love with no one else but herself.

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