Meanwhile, hours after Amanda fled the scene, Lauren is still waiting in the stinky apartment for her return. Lauren tries to dial her but Lady GaGa’s stunt double is all, “Call all you want, but there’s no one home / And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.” Finally, Lauren leaves a message and tells her to meet her at the bar.
Back in Los Angeles, Romi – or one of the Romis – is breaking up with Jay, who doesn’t seem at all concerned that he is being dumped. Finally, Romi gets fed up at his complete lack of a response and leaves him at the table.
While Romi and Jay are breaking up in Los Angeles, Kiyomi and Ali are making up in New York. Kiyomi has decorated Ali’s room with roses, cute photobooth pictures and a love letter. “I hope by doing this, it will show Ali that I care about her,” says Kiyomi.
Hey, looks like the number of roses outnumber the number of tour dates by at least a dozen. If every regional rep were given a rose, that would leave at least a dozen for Ali. Score!
Lauren goes to Metropolitan Bar alone, and waits for Amanda, who is four hours late. Lauren begins to suspect that Amanda has gone to see her ex girlfriend. Lauren goes outside and calls Amanda for the umpteenth time, but Amanda is all “Wha-Wha-What did you say, huh? You’re breaking up on me / Sorry, I cannot hear you, I’m kinda busy / Kinda busy.”
Lauren goes back into the bar, where she is approached by a woman in a headband named Sherri, who goes by the nickname “Switz,” but I’m just going to call her Sporty Spice. Sporty Spice, who, for some bizarre reason has already fitted with a microphone, tries to pick Lauren up.
“I’m going to play basketball this weekend. You want to come be my cheerleader?” she asks.
Lauren tells us, “Switz has no chance of ever hooking up with me.”
But not to worry, Sporty Spice – here’s your cheerleading squad.
Next time, just wear this t-shirt.
Congratulations, Sporty Spice. You’ve officially been spared more air time on this show. Consider it a blessing.
Then Amanda saunters in, and Lauren is livid. Amanda explains to Lauren that she hasn’t been in New York for a while and wanted to see some friends. That doesn’t seem like an “errand” to me. Lauren lays into her, and Amanda shrugs and says, “I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry.”
What happened? Did she get locked in a bathroom, or did she get stuck in something else – like her ex girlfriend?
Then Amanda tells Lauren the time displayed on the clock in the car was an hour behind, so she thought it was 10 when it was 11. Lauren doesn’t buy it.
Lauren tells Amanda about the harrowing hardships she endured because of her absence, including having to “walk the streets of Williamsburg” alone. How could you, Amanda! She could have been run over by a hipster riding a fixie. She could have choked on a vegan taco.