“The Real L Word” recap: Episode 302 – “Leap of Faith”

Then Romi and a familiar face, Rose Garcia from Season 1, sit down to have a meal and talk about Romi’s boyfriend and how this new relationship affects her identity as a lesbian. Romi finally concedes that although that although the concept is new to her and she is not comfortable with it yet, she has to consider herself bisexual.

Rose says that all she wants is Romi to be happy, and besides, she identifies with Jay, because as she says, “he cares about the three things that I am about – WPP: work, partying and pussy.” Romi then jokingly offers to suck Rose’s d–k. Just another light dinner conversation in WeHo.

Hunter Valentine is finally on the road headed to the first stop on their tour: Phase 1 in Washington DC, which is the oldest lesbian bar in North America. After they play their show, the band members relax by taking shots and swigging liquor straight from the bottle. Then Kiyomi is spotted making out with a blonde.

As Kiyomi explains, “Laura and I have developed a system called ‘regional reps.’ That basically means that, when you go to [one] city, you have a girl you have in that city that you see every time, and [she] becomes your ‘regional rep‘ for that area. I think we‘re doing pretty well with that system, and the band is going to continue to work hard to find reps in all areas of the country.”

I think that is simply a less vulgar way of expressing the central message of Ludacris’ signature line: “I’ve got hoes in different area codes.” And she plans to expand her network. Hide ya kids. And definitely hide ya wives.

Cut back to Kiyomi getting hot and heavy with the regional rep from the 202. After Miss 202 tells Kiyomi she wants to get freaky, Kiyomi abruptly stands up and puts her on hold. “I gotta call my girlfriend” she blurts out and exits the club. Miss 202 tries to protest but all she gets is a busy signal.

Kiyomi slinks behind the club and dials Ali. She asks Ali how she feels about her being on the road.

Ali: I miss you and I want to see you.
Kiyomi: I miss you too. Have you been good?
Ali: I’m always good.
Kiyomi: Then I’m glad. That’s good.

[Awkward pause]

Kiyomi then tells us that she doesn’t trust Ali. After coming back from tour one time she discovered that Ali had slept with one of her friends. “Even though we weren’t together, it seemed like it was kind of vindictive. There‘s so many people out there, and you‘re going to… really?” says Kiyomi. See, Kiyomi is respectful of Ali and stays away from her friends; instead, she has ladies in every area code on speed dial. No biggie. Who wants to give this angel a pair of wings?

Crickets chirp.

“I’m trying to trust you,” Kiyomi continues.

“How do I trust you?” asks Ali, which, in this case, is a legitimate question.

“Huh huh… uh….” is the only response that Kiyomi can muster. I think this angel might need some divine intervention right about now.

Lauren welcomes Amanda by throwing a cozy house party. One of the guests, Sarah, is also pimping the Lesbafarian look. Are white chicks with dreads multiplying like bunnies in Los Angeles or something? Are they part of some plot to smuggle illegal substances into the country in their hair? And if so, where can I get some? I need to smoke something to make recapping this show a more pleasant experience. That’s my version of “creative visualization workshops in energy clearing” right there. Sarah, call me!

Lauren tells her guests about the time she and Amanda made out for five hours. Amanda then tells us that Lauren is a good kisser. “She has some large lips,” she says. “On her mouth.” We’re glad you clarified.

“Maybe we slept together sometimes,” continues Amanda.

“It happens,” says Lauren, shrugging.

Amanda then notices that Lauren left the mattress she was supposed to sleep on outside, where it became drenched with rain. She suspects that this was done purposely so that she and Lauren would have to sleep in the same bed. But then the alcohol hits her and she wanders out into the back yard – with a girl named Britenelle. Amanda tells Britenelle that she thinks Lauren left her mattress out on purpose, and Britenelle agrees. Then Lauren comes outside and breaks up the conversation, telling Amanda that Britenelle is up to no good and that she should stay away from her.

Later, Whitney enlists her friend Ruby to help make sure Whitney’s proposal to Sara goes smoothly. As you can see, Ruby is also a member of the dreadful Dread Crew. Maybe they should form an all girl reggae band called the Clitful Dread and sign up for Season 4. I should have suggested a drinking game: take a shot every time you see a white girl with dreads, but you’d probably be on an ambulance to the ER by now.

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