“The Real L Word” recap: Episode 301 – “Apples and Oranges”

Next, we meet up with Hunter Valentine at their first show with their new lineup, where Kiyomi sings a song she wrote about Ali. “This song goes out all the stubborn bitches out there!” yells Kiyomi. “That’s rude,” says Laura. Cut to Ali, looking uncomfortable. The song is about how both she and Ali are stubborn and fight all the time. Nope, not awkward at all.

After the show, Ali waits for Kiyomi outside. As Kiyomi approaches, Ali says, “Hey babe! What’s up!” Instead of responding, Kiyomi scoots by her, pushing equipment. Ali complains that Kiyomi didn’t even stop to say hi to her. This sparks a fight that lasts the rest of the episode.

Kiyomi has a theory that Ali starts fights just so they can have make up sex. They cannot get home quickly enough. Finally, the two climb into the shower together, and Kiyomi exasperatedly reaches for Ali’s off button.

And behind the shower curtain, she finally finds it, and it’s all quiet on the Eastern front.

The episode closes with Whitney shopping for rings. While commitment is a new thing for her, she says “I will never look back and say, ‘I wish I hooked up more!’” That’s because, numerically speaking, it would be impossible. Girl ran out of option in LA, so she started using LAX to supply her with a fresh slew of tattooed brunettes from out of town. Drop one off at one gate, pick one up at another, kind of like Netflix for lesbians. And now she has canceled her subscription. Good for her.

Previews for the rest of the season include a lot of fighting, a lot of crying, and enough tattoos to rival that of the sideshow performers at Coney Island. To tune in to the circus, flip on Showtime every Thursday at 10 p.m. If I have to watch this show, so do you. Now hop to it.

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