Scarlett and Eli are fun girls who are DFW, (down for whatever) and jump right in. Watching two hot girls slathered in chocolate as they hydroplane off each other’s racks is too much for Cori. She’s horny as hell now and grabs Kacy for a quickie in the bushes. Really? That’s all it takes? Oh honey, you really need to get out more.
After a whole minute, Corcy emerges from behind a hedge, smiling and smelling their fingers. Kacy whistling a jaunty tune and saunters into the backyard, where Rose is standing next to Rachel, asking her why she’s so fricking emo.
Rachel assures Rose she’s totes fine now. LA is going to work out for her after all, what, with all the free therapy and everything. Life is good. Actually, lesbian life in LA is good. As we round the last bend on this season, all the girls bring it on home:
Armed with Hija samples, a look-book and crossed fingers, she and Vanessa meet Udi, the chief designer at Love and Pride jewelry. Romi shows her wares, one of which is a fur bracelet. “It’s rabbit,” she says apologetically. Udi doesn’t care if it’s unicorn hide; he likes Romi’s “alternative accessories” and agrees to carry her line. Romi’s come a long way, baby. Being sober, creative and focused feels better than being hung-over, broke and living with mumbling mannequin.
Cori and Kacy:
For some reason, Cori cannot get her pee stick to produce a smiley face to save her life. But at the doctor’s office she and Kacy see a “beautiful follicle” on the ultrasound. She’s ready for another spermapalooza. They’re excited all over again, but now know that no matter what, they have each other. Each other, and a giant vision board with a zygote on it.
Sajdah and Chanel:
The showmance that gave you Post-It questionnaires, “bang you out” and “you stupid as sh-t” is going to celebrate their newfound serenity with a vacation to Jamaica, the perfect place for gay PDA. Sajdah has packed the standard butch carry-on, consisting of three underwear, three pairs of shorts, three shirts, and three pairs of socks. Chanel has put every summer thing she owns into a series of Space Bags, and has to stand on her suitcase to get it close. What a femme. Have fun, you crazy kids.
After hooking up with everyone from Jaq to Jill, putting Sweet Merciful Death into therapy, and driving to and from LAX a thousand times, Whitney has come to the horrifying realization that the only girl who gets under her soul is… Sara.
Whitney: I love you.
Sara: I love you, too.
Whitney: You are such an a—hole.
Sara: You are.
Girls, girls. You both are. Kidding.
What? No finale love for Francine and Claire? I guess Francine’s too busy trying to get Khristianne’s cholesterol down. And Claire is on her way back to NYC with Vivian. God speed, Claire. I’ll keep an eye on the internet for you until you get back.
And they all lived happily ever after. The End.
“Celebrity is just obscurity biding its time.” – Carrie Fisher
I hope everyone had fun! Thanks for reading every week and coming along
on this ride with me. You made it all worthwhile. If I could, I would
buy each and every one of you a slouchy hat to remember our time
Rock on with your bad selves-