“The Real L Word” recap: Episode 209, the Season Finale

After chickening out at the hotel, Francine is taking another run at her mother, this time by bringing her to her house. Yoko looks around – “Ohh, nice.” – and Francine stalls by showing her the backyard and offering to nuke some sake. Finally, it’s time.

Francine: Well, I’m going to tell you something. [long-ass pause] So, for 10 years or so, I haven’t told you this. I’ve been dating women. So, don’t get mad.

Yoko: You’re sure?

Francine: Yeah. I don’t want you to be embarrassed or, like, disappointed in me. I don’t want you to be ashamed.

Yoko: I not ashamed.

Francine: You still love me?

Yoko: Of course! Of course!… I love so much, you. I love so much.

Yoko tells Francine to make sure people know being gay doesn’t “weigh her down.” She imagines it will go something like this: “Oh, Francine gay, but oh, she good job, and good girl. She everything good. Then, you happy.” Leave it to a Tiger Mom to slip in the importance of having a good job into any conversation.

Francine is relieved. Just as things are going well, she mentions Claire. Yoko jumps in immediately and says, “Claire, I really no like… That girl, really bad.” Awesome.

Francine owes her mother a bazillion hours of listening to her warbling old Japanese songs.

Somewhere on a chilly beach, Kacy has gathered their friends to perform some sort of pagan fertility ritual with lilies. Um, OK. She went to church to pray. She held Cori’s hand at the doctor’s and wished as hard as she could every night. She’s read her research and lit her candles. Kacy’s done everything except a human sacrifice.

With Cori by her side, Kacy tells the gathering to focus all their energy and thoughts, and send them into the universe, so it will send them “a cute, smart one.” Please, please, please. And Cori was worried the ceremony was going to be wack-a-doo.

Everyone takes turns tossing their lilies into the water. Does it help or mean anything? No, Kacy’s pulling it out of her ass as she goes along. Lastly, Kacy throws a single red rose into the roiling surf for Cori, because baby or not, they’ll always have each other. Kacy’s too good to be true. I bet she snores.

Elsewhere, Claire tells Vivian they’ll always have each other, too, mostly because no one within city limits wants anything to do with her anymore. Even the hobos on Santa Monica Boulevard won’t pose with her in white t-shirts for her silly website.

Claire starts talking gibberish what Vivian thought or didn’t think before she came to LA. Not only is she not a writer, she’s not so good with the spoken word thing, either. It doesn’t matter. Vivian lays down the law on the future of their relationship as Claire cowers like a beaten child.

Vivian: I’m very well aware of the way you function, the way you work. You and your Leo-ness about doing whatever the eff you want, whenever you want to, and however you like to do it? It doesn’t work. I’ve done it before. It’s not fun and I promise myself that I would never do it again. And I won’t.

Go home to New York, Claire. The girls are more forgiving and the pizza’s better.

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