Francine drops her mom off in her hotel room and goes up to the pool alone to quietly freak out. She orders a drink and lights a cigarette. “Can I just write it on a napkin?” she wonders as her stomach churns.
Sphincter Level: 10
Meanwhile, Sweet Merciful Death Rachel is finally getting the help she needs, thanks to Whitney’s checkbook, and a phone call – Rachel’s too sad to even set up her own appointments. On her first visit to a therapist, she unloads her emotional baggage, which is full of booze, Klonopin, soggy tissues and one mean mother. No wonder she’s clingy and sad. Poor Rachel. I want to gently chuck her under the chin.
Over in Culver City, Cori and Kacy are fighting over the Inseminator. “Give me my penis back!” I just want to put it in your mouth.” “Did I shoot you in the eye?” It’s all over my face!” “Did you just d–k smack me?” The downstairs neighbor is very, very confused right about now.
Elsewhere, Whitney and Jaq are bringing all their creativity and power tools to bear for Pants vs. Pumps. If you think putting on a lesbian field day is easy, think again. There are signs and shirts and pieces of plywood in the shape of high heels everywhere. After hours of painting and cutting, it’s time to get cleaned up. Together.
Have you noticed that all of Whitney’s girl-toys are covered in tats from head to toe, just like she is? Every time Whitney gets into the shower with one of them, it’s like watching two Ed Hardy shirts in a washing machine.
Feeling centered and grounded since her mother’s visit, Sajdah has decided it’s time to reach out to Chanel again. Chanel agrees to meet Sajdah during the day, in a public place, with some mace in her purse.
Sajdah: I miss you.
Sajdah: I’ve been thinking a lot. Just about all the things that we went through, and a lot of them that I don’t think we necessarily had to. Ya know? We were, like, arguing over how to show affection. So for me, I personally just wanted to apologize for all those moments.
Sajdah acknowledges how different they are. She smiles and says to Chanel, “I’m on 10, all the time, I’m crazy excited all the time, I’m in everyone’s business, I’m all over the place.” Chanel laughs because she finds puppies with ADD adorable, for some reason.
Chanel explains that when she wants her alone time, and doesn’t want any PDA, it’s nothing personal. Of course it is, but they agree to try again, slowly this time. Sometimes, you have nowhere to go but up.
There’s the tagline for Season 3. You’re welcome.