Francine announces she’s going to come out to her traditional Japanese mother and does a Margaret Cho-inspired imitation of her, to the delight of the table. Resbain so funny! I only use a fake Asian accent when idiotic white people ask me if I speak English, which happens more often than you’d think.
Once upon a time, a woman who hit my car assumed I didn’t speak English. Which prompted me to scream at her, “You hit my ca! What the matter? You no can see? You need grasses! Old rady, you drive so bad.” And then, I sued the sh-t out of her. The end.
Romi asks Francine what she’s going to say to the woman who thought Claire was just a friend with a manly walk. Francine says she plans on using, “It’s what’s inside that counts.” And what’s inside is a uterus.
Rachel says her mother didn’t like the news when she came out, but liked it even less when her little sister did, too. Romi suggests that Francine create a PowerPoint presentation for her mother. Like this?
After dinner, the others scatter inside the house. Alone outside, Romi whispers to Whitney that Kelsey is being weird.
Romi: Kelsey’s like, “So, Whit’s coming to dinner?” And she was like, “Do I have to sit there and listen to you guys laugh the whole time?”
Whitney: [smiling] Aw.
Romi: I don’t know what to say.
Whitney is oddly unmoved by the news that her friend’s girlfriend has a problem with her. Instead, she smirks and tells Romi to stop smiling and walk with her head down.
The next day, Whitney and Alyssa are leveraging Whitney’s celesbian status and “Juicy” success to plan a lesbian field day: “The Pants versus Pumps Throwdown.” Lesbian field days have been done before, but not with Whitney at the helm, and not one pitting butches against the femmes. It’s all about taking something old and saying it’s new. Right, Claire?
As Whitney dictates a list of contestants consisting of their five friends on the show, she almost forgets to include Kelsey. It’s just as well. Kelsey needs to be looking for a job, not sack-racing while holding a vodka and red bull.
Alyssa takes the opportunity to suggests that Whitney check on Rachel, who’s in the kitchen with her head in the oven.
Whitney claims she didn’t realize she was ignoring Rachel, even though she’s intuitive as all get out and can feel the pull of Rachel’s emotional black hole from a million light-years away. But despite her better judgment to side-step that rabbit hole, she promises Alyssa she’ll take Rachel to lunch. Or, an intervention.
We now join Romi and Kelsey’s screaming break-up, already in progress.
Romi: Where are you going?!
Kelsey: Stop yelling at me! F-ck!
Romi: Well this isn’t how you’re going to f-cking deal with this! Just tell me ’cause I had a whole night planned, and then [you] just leave!
Kelsey: I’m not going anywhere, Romi.
Romi: You don’t see anything wrong in this? You don’t think you did anything wrong?
Oh, women and their trick questions. Don’t answer them if you want to live.
So, apparently, Kelsey has just told Romi she had a drink a few days ago. Now, the merde has hit the fan. Romi feels alone and betrayed because Kelsey doesn’t want to sit next to her on the wagon anymore. Kelsey feels stifled and thirsty because she’s only 23 and these are her best drinking years. No one’s right and no one’s wrong. The only thing wrong in this scenario is Romi’s hideous shirt.
Somewhere, Drew is ironing his flannel shirts and wondering why no one’s invites him over to watch a Law & Order marathon.
So far this week, Sarita has told Sajdah that life doesn’t hand you a pair of boobs just because you want them. Drea told Kacy you can’t merely snap your fingers and make a baby. Alyssa told Whitney she can’t just ignore Rachel’s moping and mewing. Romi is realizing that personal journeys are not like girl parties: You don’t get a plus 1. Kelsey has decided she’d rather liquor than lick her. And Francine now sees that Khristianne can’t be trusted around dairy products.
Reality has finally come to The Real L Word. Reality sucks.
Adding to the misery, Cori is home having dinner with Kacy when she does some quick math. She realizes it’s going to cost them almost $3000 a month to continue their insemination plan, which could drag on for a year or more. Kacy practically chokes on her peas.