“The Real L Word” recap: Episode 207

In a New York minute, the news has reached Whitney. She’s floored because she thought she and Claire had a decent rapport. Who doesn’t like Whitney?

Rose Garcia is there, hanging out, and says with uncharacteristic calm that Claire is just a snotty Deb. What can ya do? If you want Rose to bring the crazy, you have to pay for it, I guess.

Whitney declares that Claire can’t make things happen because she has no personality and no soul. Actually, you don’t need a soul to make it in LA, but you mos def need a personality. You will be forgiven almost anything, except the unspeakable crime of being boring.

While Whitney, Romi and their friends circle the wagons, their unsuspecting victim is home, soaking in the sights and smells of Vivian cooking dinner for her. As she should. Because she’s Claire.

After dinner, Vivian jumps into bed wearing stockings and a frilly garter belt for Claire’s enjoyment. Life is unfair, isn’t it?

Somewhere across town, that other ham-fisted jackass, Sajdah, is begging Chanel for a kiss and wondering how Claire does it.

The next day, Romi and Kelsey take a small picnic to the park to talk about drinking. Romi tries to sell Kelsey on the deliciousness of a Virgin Mary, but Kelsey isn’t buying it and counters that Bloody Mary’s are way more better.

She says she doesn’t intend to stay sober forever because “I don’t want to live my life with a bunch of pressure on me.”Yeah, who needs that noise when she can watch cartoons all day?

While Kelsey dreams of a lesbian bar in the sky, where talking unicorns serve free vodka, Romi worries she’s the only one working on their relationship.

Even Romi’s hair works harder than Kelsey.

Elsewhere, Cori is sure she’s pregnant. Because she’s warm. And her eyebrow twitched. And it’s Tuesday.

The theme of this week’s episode seem to be wish fulfillment because while Claire wishes everyone would bend to her will, Corcy wishes the stork would make a delivery to their apartment, Whitney wishes she had never met Claire, and Romi wishes Kelsey would grow up, Chanel is wishing that Sajdah wasn’t such a tool.

Over at Whitney’s house, Rachel is telling the girls about her interview at Vidal Sassoon in Santa Monica. She wants and need the job so badly, she says she’s willing to give someone head to get it. And if she doesn’t get it, she says she doesn’t know what she’ll do, and holds back her tears.

Rachel smiles but her eyes are always deeply sad. Hide the razors.

Since meeting and hooking up in Season 1, Romi and Whitney have settled into a nice friendship. While most of Romi’s good-time friends have dumped her because she doesn’t drink anymore, Whitney has stuck by and tells her she’s proud of her.

While out to dinner, just the two of them, Whitney asks Romi what’s going on with Kelsey, for real.

Romi: We are in two different worlds right now. Like, we just are.

Whitney: Is she sober?

Romi: She’s sober, but she said today that she doesn’t want to be sober forever. And I was like, “Well, I do. I’m not on a cleanse. I’m doing a lifestyle change.” We’re not getting younger. There’s got to be a time when we start finding someone to, like, kinda build a life with.

Romi has officially outgrown the show.

She thanks Whitney for buying her dinner. It’s nice when someone else treats you, for once. Somewhere, Kelsey is enjoying her stress-free life, playing Angry Birds while eating government cheese.

It’s dark outside now and you know what that means. The thin, the young and the trendy are all getting ready to go to Haute. Claire sits on her couch, grinning with creepy anticipation at the prospect of running into Francine while she has Vivian on her arm.

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