Previously: Cori and Kacy finally got inseminated, but also lost a vial of precious seed to a freezer malfunction. Whitney and Alyssa made a mold of their friend’s privates. Sajdah forced Chanel to endure a day of romance to guilt her into having sex. Claire asked Vivian to come to LA after Francine threw her crap on the front lawn. And Romi got fired up about her new job, while Kelsey just got fired.
Sajdah and Chanel have been dating for a month, and what a month it’s been. Sajdah rented a house for Chanel’s birthday, put together a day of romance filled with activities and servitude, agreed to an HIV test and bought her a necklace.
For her part, Chanel gave Sajdah a little sex, laughs at her lame jokes and endures her occasional temper. I’m not sure who has it worse.
Today, Sajdah and Chanel are mixing drawers and thongs at the laundromat. As their clothes go into the spin cycle, Sajdah demands, “You moving in. You’re my wife.” She awkwardly, barely picks Chanel up (if you’re gonna act the stud, at least get to the gym), pins her against the wall, and tries to hump her.
Chanel smiles her signature non-committal smile but she is not pleased one bit. I can’t imagine why not. Isn’t it every girl’s dream to be date raped in public by someone wearing gym shorts and shower shoes?
Sajdah: I’m just trying to bang you out.
Chanel: That’s what I’m saying. I don’t want to be banged out.
Sajdah: F-ck that.
Sajdah then grabs at Chanel’s breast and repeats, “You’re moving in with me.” What a charmer.
While that graceful courtship is going on, Kacy goes to a church to pray with all her heart for a baby.
Dear god. Please let Cori be pregnant. Or send us more money so we can afford more sperm. And please don’t make us have to use Whitney’s inseminator. Amen.
Over at the lesbian receiving area of LAX, Claire is waiting for Vivian to arrive. She’s even parked the car and come inside to wait by the gate, instead of standing at the curb. That’s how important Vivian is to Claire.
They hug like Vivian is returning from two tours in Afghanistan and head for the car, where Claire has placed a single red rose on the passenger seat. Vivian says she would not have come to LA if things were going well with Francine.
Well, that’s good, because Claire says if things with Francine had gone well, she wouldn’t have invited her. Oh Claire. Some things are better left unsaid.
But since everything turned to sh-t, Vivian seems happy to visit the land of sunshine and slouchy hats. And Claire’s just thrilled to have one person with her who doesn’t hate her guts. Yet.
Claire wonders how long it will be before she and Vivian start fighting. Vivian reminds her they don’t fight. “You’re confusing me with your other Asian,” she says half-kiddingly. Maybe we do really all look alike.
Later that night, Francine and her new girlfriend, Khristianne, are double-dating with Romi and her old dependent, Kelsey. Since Romi was in Vegas, and Kelsey was on a bread line, they’ve been out of the gossip loop. Francine has some really juicy news: Claire’s been talking some major sh-t about all of them.
Francine: She goes like this: “Everyone’s such a loser on the show. No one even has a real job. Everyone works in retail and make up. That’s not a real job.” And then she’s like, “Hello Francine. Putting all our differences aside, will you come and support my new project?” So, basically, she talked sh-t about everyone, and wants us to help her. Yeah, and then she’s like, “And Whitney. All she does is party for a living.”
Romi: Bitch, you moved here with no job! Go back! Go!
Penniless Kelsey munches on whatever Romi bought her and drones, “Ew. Hate people like that.”
Romi shakes her head with finality and immediately starts texting the news all over town. Kelsey bounces in her seat excitedly as Francine adds the cherry on top: “You know what she said about Sara? She said she has a dog face.”
Oh no, she d’int! Leave it to Claire to let her yap flow smack about anyone who doesn’t embrace her smirky awesomeness, and then, have the balls to ask for a favor.