Ceas has arrived for the moment you’ve all been waiting for: dong mold magic. Ceas does a shot and brings his girlfriend-fluffer into Alyssa’s bedroom to get it up. Meanwhile, Alyssa and Whitney host their new Food Network cooking show, “Ace of C-cks.”
Coming home from Vegas, Romi rides with Drew, leaving Rachel to drive the four hours back to LA with total stranger, Don. No wonder Rachel has no self-esteem. In the car, Drew gives Romi a reality check: People lose their jobs. You take your hits, and you move on.
Romi wonders if taking care of Kelsey is preventing her vest-loving houseplant from growing up. She’s not good at being harsh. Romi’s idea of tough love is a spanking and some aggressive nipple play.
When she gets home, Romi finds Kelsey moping around the apartment, too despondent to even take out the garbage. As Kelsey picks paint off their dresser, Romi tries to comfort her catatonic girlfriend.
Romi: Did you call your mom?
Kelsey: [quietly] No.
Romi: Why? You need to talk to your mom. You need to, like, let her know what’s going on. She gives you good advice. Are you embarrassed?
Kelsey: [barely audible] Kind of.
Romi is adamant this is not a problem she should have to fix, even though Kelsey is in her sweats, drooling and rocking in the corner. It’s like Glory stole her girlfriend’s mind. Too bad Romi isn’t a witch.
Back at the Food Network, the soufflé is taking longer than expected to rise. Alyssa bails to have a date with her fiancée, leaving Whitney to handle dick duty. When making a dick mold, as in life, timing is everything. And Ceas’ wee-wee is shy and still refusing to cooperate. He runs back and forth from the kitchen four times before he finally thinks he’s ready.
After it’s all over, Ceas wipes off and throws the towel at Whitney’s
head. She shrieks, “Ewwkg! No! Something flew in my mouth!” That’s what
You have to admit, you really don’t see that every day. Maybe this is what Ilene meant when she said the show would be “groundbreaking.”
Anticlimactically, we cut back to Corcy, who are getting ready for their second round of insemination. As they pull into the medical office parking lot, the doctor calls to report their sperm thawed out unexpectedly, and is unusable. As Kacy sits quietly, bracing for the worst, Cori breaks down in hysterics, even though the doctor reminds her she has another vial and besides, it only takes one swimmer.
Cori is inconsolable (Is that all it takes? Just wait until you have an actual baby.) because that was their second to last vial, and as you know, there is no other sperm to be found, anywhere on earth. None! Except, maybe, on this towel.
Next Week: Kelsey decides drinking goes well with unemployment, making Romi wonder if she goes well with Kelsey. Cory swears she’s pregnant. Sajdah demands more than a crumb, annoying Chanel. And Claire’s rage texts come back to haunt her.