Since Sara is busy grinding at bachelor parties, and Rachel is in a K-hole somewhere, Whitney is redirecting her energy away from lady holes and towards dude poles, but only to help Cori and Kacy make a baby. Using their knowledge of special effects materials and prosthetics, she and Alyssa decide to create the first-ever dildo that can shoot sperm.
Whitney calls her brother from another mother, a guy named Ceas, to ask if they can use his legendary wang to make a mold. He’s happy to help because they’re good friends, and who wouldn’t want to immortalize their natural endowments in silicon? You can’t make this s–t up.
Meanwhile, Romi is waiting for her ride to Las Vegas, where she’s going to work a clothing trade show for her new boss, Don. Romi hopes this new gig will propel her career and maybe even – fingers crossed! – help feather earring sales. She’s asked Rachel to join her because god forbid we go anywhere alone.
Romi and Rachel sit on the stoop, New York-style, and talk about chicks and stuff. We learn they made out once, in a bar, a long time ago. In LA, lesbians really do randomly make out with each other all the time. If one person gets the herp, everyone gets the herp.
Also, Romi confides in Rachel that it’s kind of a turn-off having to take care of big, mopey Kelsey. Rachel observes, “You’re the proud parent of a 23-year-old right now.” And lastly, Rachel admits she and Whitney finger-banged in the bathroom at the pool party, and shows her the size of Whitney’s balls, as Romi laughs, knowingly.
And now, we re-join Sajdah’s Day of Giving, already in progress. After taking Chanel to a ranch for a fun horseback ride, (undulating beast between the legs! Subtle!) Sajdah gives her lady diva a full body massage, complete with butt rub. Wholly unimpressed, Chanel laughs, “It was not the best massage, but she definitely had some motives behind it.”
Coming up later: To earn more sex credtis, Sajdah details Chanel’s car and gives her a kidney.
While Corcy goes another day without ovulating, Romi tries to figure out how to avoid running into Drew, who’s also in Vegas for the trade show. She’s still mad at him for insinuating himself into Kelsey’s attempt at sobriety, even though he’s the one she turned to when she stopped drinking. Romi wants Drew close, but not too close. Available, but not around so much. Loving and supportive, but not in a creepy no-other-friends-having way. And she really doesn’t want to talk to him right now. Got it?
To avoid detection, Romi disguises herself as Johnny Weir.
While Rachel gets relegated to a remote floor to babysit a line of backpacks, Romi is on the main show floor, where she crumbles and texts Drew. After deciding not to rehash what happened, Drew makes up with Romi. Considering he’s about 10 years older than she is, and presumably more mature, it’s the least her “machismo Mexican bad boy” can do. They hug it out while Rachel sits alone upstairs, wondering if everyone’s forgotten about her. Again.
Back in LA, Whitney gets an email from Claire, asking if she’ll lend her famous dreads to a totally awesomesauce photo shoot for dirtyboudoir. Whitney is a little surprised, considering it was mere days ago that Claire and Whitney’s ladybutch friend had that huge screaming match at the club. Please. Having a long-term memory serves no purpose here. Everyone is your friend, espesh if you can do something for them, or they, you. I call it Aspirational Alzheimer’s.
Whitney puts Claire aside for now, because she has bigger dicks to contend with: She’s worried that Ceas won’t be able to stay hard while they make a mold of his weenie. Alyssa wonders if he should get his hands on some Viagra. How’d you get so smart, blondie?
If only the other blond, Claire, was as together as Alyssa. After picking the leaves out of clothes and hanging them up properly, she calls Vivian to tell her what a bitch Francine is. Vivian calls Francine “very irrational.” What an Asian.