As with most drunky nights, everything’s fine right up until the moment it’s not. Suddenly, Cori stops doing it doggie style to the barback and makes a beeline for the bathroom, where she hurls up a liter of Jägermeister.
Kacy tells her wife that it’s time to go home.
Cookie: I didn’t even get to dance!
Kacy: You bent everybody over.
Coco: I did? As long as I bent a few people over!
Kacy: You did. [laughs]
As they pull away, Cori hangs out of the SUV window and yells, “I love you all!” to who knows. She makes me laugh. I love a happy drunk.
Sajdah has called a processing meeting with Chanel to discuss their birthday fight. She apologizes for giving Chanel the bum’s rush at the end of the night. Chanel acknowledges they put too much pressure on themselves to know each other in short two weeks. Sajdah babbles that she’s comfortable with their comfortable uncomfortability and now all they need to do is “make up.” Chanel gives her a non-committal “maybe” because she’s in a showmance and that is not in her contract.
I’m just gonna say it. This relationship is queerer than a two-dollar bill, and I don’t mean in the good way.
Rachel returns to the land of the living, cracks open a 40, and asks Whitney if she can borrow her car. When Whitney says, no, Rachel acts sad. Whitney backpedals, apologizes for “offending” her and says it’s fine to borrow her car. Resolve is just a carpet cleaner to Whitney.
Here’s how Rachel remembers her mini-OD last night.
Rachel: I don’t remember kissing Whitney last night, but we just had fun. Like, to me, it’s all about fun. I still give great haircuts and seeing Lauren and Bianca last night was awesome.
What’s it like where you live, Liza?
Rachel goes to the bathroom. She claims to be peeing, but her peeing sounds a lot like crying. Whitney says she’s worried about Rachel, but Rachel says Whitney can’t speak about downward spirals, because she’s the one seeing a lying manipulator.
As Whitney leaves to pick the lying manipulator up from work, Rachel turns on the TV, says to the empty room, “If Sara wanted the car, it woulda been totally cool,” and pops something in her mouth.
Up next on Intervention: A young woman’s lesbian-induced panic attacks leads to a dangerous Klonopin addiction and many unfinished haircuts.
As Whitney drives to Sara’s work, she chats amiably with the camera crew about trusting Sara until she suddenly sees Erica standing on the corner, just steps from Sara’s salon. Sonofa!
Whitney laughs – seriously, this is what she lives for – and ponders her next move. She tells the camera op, “Ya know, I had a funny feeling that was going to happen and it sure did. Wow.”
As soon as Sara gets in the car, Whitney starts playing with her.
Whitney: How’s your boo, baby?
Whitney: How’s Erica?
Sara: Why do you say that?
Whitney: Because I just saw her walk out of…
Sara: You did?
Whitney admits, “I finally get it. Sara is just lying to my face. It’s like, now you’re bordering into insulting my intelligence… I’m done, I’m over it. That is a wrap on Sara.”
Hey ladies, guess who’s single.
Next week: Cori is told to quit smoking, Kelsey won’t quit drinking. Whitney’s on the prowl but Sajdah still has no game. And Claire takes a nasty swipe at one of Rose Garcia’s old pals. Oh yeah, it is on!