Are you wondering what Claire is doing? Why? Just kidding. Claire wants more than failed relationships out of life. If she can’t get it together with women, she’s going to have an awesome career, damn it. To accomplish this, Claire takes a meeting with Power Up, a “lesbian filmmaking group.”
Power Up’s founder Stacy Codikow, director Jamie Babbit, and a dog are forced to listen to our young Grasshopper, Claire, as she pitches her website idea. It’s about lesbians, it’s about fashion, it’s about health. The dog promptly walks away.
Claire admits she has no publishing background, is not a great writer, and doesn’t have any contacts. Natch, launching a website would be the first step in building her media empire. Cuz it’s so easy.
Claire’s proudly announces she’s wasted good money on the domain name “Dirty Boudoir.” Crickets. What is the world coming to when straight men are building better lesbo websites than actual lesbos?
Without any knowledge of search engine optimization, organic algorithmic results, keyword stuffing, page ranking or backlinks, filmmaker Jamie Babbit insightfully suggests the most obvious thing: The url should tip off readers that it’s a gay site. “Lavender Boudoir,” for example. But I do love Claire’s decision to use the word “boudoir.” Tres classy, tres French! So what it’s a url people can easily misspell? Being easy to find isn’t as important as being awesome.
Claire adds she wants to do interviews, but then give that stuff to a real writer, who will fix it for her. Wow, she’s really reinventing the wheel now. Cuz, that’s not how it’s done. If it were, someone else would be transcribing this mess for me.
Stacy gently tells Claire just because it’s new to you, doesn’t mean it’s actually new. But Claire is sure that this time, it’s going to work. Because what she lacks in web savvy, writing skills, and publishing experience, she makes up for with the talking.
Stacy offers Claire an internship, but Claire clearly feels it’s beneath her. Don’t you know who she is, Stacy? Claire is going to blow your effing mind. With fashion. And health. Stacy immediately tells Claire, “Great to meet you,” pushes her out the door, and pulls up her draw bridge.
If anyone has a shot at starting their own business, it’s Romi and her new jewelry line. She claims she started the feather earring trend that’s sweeping the nation, which makes sense, since she’s slowly turns into a cockatoo.
Meanwhile, Rachel has friends in town and she’s heading out, with Whitney along for the ride, to give them haircuts in their hotel room. Up in the room, things go off the rails pretty quickly. While slowly butchering her friend’s hair, Rachel cuts her finger, but doesn’t seem to care. Or know. Whitney comes back from having a cigarette and instantly realizes what’s wrong.
If you didn’t bring enough Klonopin for the whole class, then you shouldn’t have any either.
Whitney bitch slaps Rachel a few times to wake her up, but it only makes Rachel more forlorn and droopy. Whitney hates when girls get sad, and tries to cure them with band-aid kisses, which only makes it worse. When will she ever learn?
Rachel: Would you just, like, hold me for a second? Pretend we’re, like, four years ago.
Whitney: [nervous laughter]
Rachel: I loved you. I would do anything for you.
Whitney: Not right now.
Rachel: You don’t care.
Rachel passes out cold, leaving her friend with half a faux hawk.