“The Real L Word” recap: Episode 203

After at least an hour of swaying and standing, Sara takes a much deserved break by drinking wine straight from the bottle and tonguing someone named Erica, whom she’s just met that morning.

Alvin Ailey called. He said to stay classy.

Back at Sajdah’s house, Marissa’s eyes are rolling back into her head because Sajdah is online, looking for an apartment for her and Chanel. Dat’s right.

Sajdah can ignore Marissa’s common sense all she wants, but she can not escape her mama, who calls to lodge a complaint about her Facebook profile. Apparently, Sajdah has been posting all kinds of crushy things about Chanel on her wall, and changed her relationship status to “Fake Married.”

Mrs. Sajdah tells her daughter she does not like this public gay stuff. No, not at all. Sajdah says it was all good when her gayness was in theory, but now that she’s met the obvious Love of Her Life, it’s not cool with her mother. She must be a formidable woman, because Marissa is hiding in the bathroom, and it’s only a phone call.

Claire is driving back from a job interview and pulls into a rest stop to call Vivian. Claire says she thinks the meeting went well, if only because the interviewer was a cool, gay Asian. Again? Seriously? How does she do that?

The call gets bumpy when Claire tells Vivian she doesn’t have to return her every call because she “can’t be talking all the time.” And yet, she does. In fact, all Claire does is talk. If she’s not talking about why she left Vivian in New York, she talking about her expired feelings for Francine. And if she’s not talking about Vivian or Francine, she’s talking about the internets. The only thing more coma-inducing than listening to Claire talk is watching Claire talk.

Claire tells Vivian “I love you,” but Vivian doesn’t say it back. She doesn’t say anything. Why? Because she’s fallen asleep.

While Sajdah drops Marissa off at LAX and says good-bye to the only voice of reason she knows, Alyssa, Rachel and others are landing at SFO, to join in on Whitney’s carefree fun. That’s all about to change, because Rachel reports she plans on staying in Whitney’s hotel room, even though she didn’t ask. In fact, she didn’t tell Whitney she was coming at all. Great! What could possibly go wrong?

The minute Whitney sees Rachel and realizes she wants to stay in her room, she goes sullen and begins to quietly seethe. Alyssa asks teasingly why so sad, but this time, they’ve gone too far. For all her shenanigans, I have to give this one to Whitney. You do not blow into town unannounced, with a carry-on bag and a delusion. That is how kids end up homeless.

Just then, Jaq shows up. She and Rachel hug warily; Rachel is surprised to see her, even though she lives there and is Whitney’s ex. Hello? Do the math, Bjork.

Someday, this “look” is going to seem as ridiculous as wide collars and huge afros. Trust me.

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