“The Real L Word” recap: Episode 202


Over at Francine’s sparse crib, she and Claire are making dinner and processing. Claire declares, “I dated her from 19 to 23, and now I’m 26. So, it’s like I’ve grown up since then.” Imagine that. All of twenty-six. Who’s a big girl? You are!

Francine isn’t sure if Claire has grown up, nor changed, nor what to do with her now. Francine raises a new, more interesting question: How is she going to tell her traditional Japanese mother that she’s gay? Still clueless, Francine’s mom keeps asking, “How are you going to have a baby if you keep hanging around with girls?”

As soon as Kacy and Cory figure out that conundrum, they’ll let you know.

In another part of town, Sajdah has dragged Marissa with her to pick up Chanel and her eyebrows, so they can all march in the Martin Luther King Day Parade. Forming the gay contingency, they hoist their handmade signs, and skip down the street, holding hands.

Of course, there’s that one hater, standing on the sidelines with his big Jesus sign, turning his thumb down at them as they pass. Who are those people? And why are they never good-looking?

What exactly is he against? Civil rights? Gay rights? Parades? Some people just can’t stand it when other people are happy.

While Whitney is somewhere tying Sara up with her dreads, Rachel takes the opportunity to talk to Alyssa in private. She has a secret: Sara has using her to get a job in New York. And Sara’s ex, Hana, has been getting messages from Sara, saying she wants to get back together. Rachel tells Alyssa she has the texts to prove it.

When Whitney comes home, both Alyssa and Rachel confront her with Sara’s shadiness, but Whitney doesn’t want to believe it. Rachel shows Whitney the texts. Finally thinking with her big head, and not her little one, Whitney decides she going to let Sara have it, and not in the good way anymore.

After the parade, Sajdah hopes the day proved something about her character to Chanel. I guess it worked because Chanel gives Sajdah a kiss – their first – and laughs that delightful way femmes do. This sends Sajdah into orbit. Chanel’s all that and a bag of Skittles.

Hide your testicles, here comes Corcy. Cory and Kacy meet two guy friends for dinner and lay their cards on the table: Give us your sperm, please. After an awkward silence, the guys say, “No.”

The guys gently remind the girls that since they’re friends, it would be weird and difficult to father their baby and then do nothing except pretend the kid doesn’t look like one of them. Cory and Kacy can’t believe their ears. The concept of not wanting to give away something so personal, even if you’re not using it, is totally lost on them.

Kacy counters, “I guess the difference is, if either one of you needed an egg, I would have no issue.” The guys look at her, thinking, “That is never going to happen.”

I know someone who gave an egg to a gay couple, which was weird considering she wouldn’t lend her softball mitt to anyone. Later, she sued for visitation. Later still, she was injured and never played softball again. The moral of the story? Keep your genes in your jeans and don’t slide into third.

Romi comes home from a long, busy day in retail and asks to be fed. Thankfully, Kelsey is waiting by the door with a skillet full of cheese. Romi says she’s worried about money because Kelsey doesn’t make any, and anxious about her own future because she’s not using her professional makeup skills as god intended.

A world without smoky eyes is a world without sunshine.

Life’s problems aren’t going to be solved tonight, so Romi decides they should do the next best thing: drink. She gives Kelsey some money. Be a good little monkey and fetch us a bottle of vodka. Kelsey obediently heads to the liquor store as Romi changes into her trendy clubbing tights. They’re going to get that all-important pre-buzz before venturing out to the West Hollywood girl party called “Haute.”

In a reserved cabana, Whitney meets Claire for the first time and discovers they have mutual friends that are not Ilene Chaiken. Kelsey smokes cigarettes and watches Romi chat up Rachel. Francine is happy that Claire is being attentive and nice, and not working on her website. Everyone is having a drink and happily hanging out until –

Whitney finds Sara and tells her she knows all about the texts to Hana. Sara asks defensively, “What are you mad about?” Whitney uncharacteristically loses her cool. She demands to know if Sara has talked to Hana.

Sara: I haven’t talked to Hana in a really long time.

Whitney: Really? When was the last time you talked to Hana?

Sara: Today.

Hilarious. And PS, that was like, hours ago, so there. Girl logic. Go figure.

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