“The Real L Word” recap: Episode 202


Later that night, Romi and Kelsey are out to dinner with Romi’s mom, Ann. It’s here we learn that Mrs. Romi divorced Mr. Romi when little Romi was 6-years-old, and a few years later, married a blurry-faced woman.

No need for anonymity. That suit jacket and v-neck are dead give-aways. I bet she’s wearing Birkenstocks.

Kelsey tells a story about her job. “I’m the cashier, so you have to be exactly on point,” she says, as if the stability of the World Bank depended on her. Recently, Kelsey was off by some nominal amount, and yet, they wrote her up for it, anyway. Bastards.

Ann points out to Romi, “But she’s dyslexic.”
That explains everything. Real L Word? Kelsey thought she was signing up for The Real World.

Romi’s worried about money. She’s worried that Kelsey doesn’t have any. And she’s too young to know the pressures of rent, food and a weekly vodka allowance. “Half the things I throw at her, she doesn’t know what the f-ck I’m talking about,” she complains. Have you met her?

As mother and daughter talk, Kelsey stares off into the middle distance, thinking about unicorns.

Kelsey returns to Earth in time to defend herself by saying all she ever asked for was bus money. She also makes dinner, does all the house chores, and still can’t get laid. In a nutshell, she cooks, cleans, rides the bus and gets no benefits. Kelsey has turned into Romi’s housekeeper.

Over at Whitney’s house, Alyssa is giving her a whole lotta crap about hooking up with Sara, which of course, our Romeo denies. Whitney demands to know who’s been spreading such heinous lies and stammers she has no idea what Alyssa is talking about.

Whitney: Who told you that?

Alyssa: I’m not telling you.

Whitney: Who the f-ck told you that?

Alyssa: I’m not telling you.

Whitney: Tell me the first letter of their name.

“C?” As in “camera operator?”

Alyssa reminds Whitney that she hasn’t always been Team Sara, and once said, “F-ck Sara and her fake tits.” Alyssa is super ballsy this season and I love it. Must be her new, glamorous 40s movie star hair.

Rachel doesn’t feel very welcome or important, considering she flew all this way to see Whitney and hasn’t spent any sexy time with her. “It’s a slap in the face” she laments, “It’s a slap in the vag.”

Not to be left out on the exhibitionist fun, Rachel retreats to her room, turns on her computer and finds her favorite porn; girls giving blowjobs. As she navigates her way around xtube, Rachel explains, “I’m totally gay, gold star, but for some reason, chicks sucking d–k? Got it. ‘Cause they look like they’re whores.”

If that’s what gets her off, she should just go back and watch last week’s episode.

Alone in the dark with nothing but her vibe, her laptop, a camera crew and her thoughts, Rachel takes matters into her own hands.

And I thought Whitney was the master baiter.

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