This week, we open on Whitney and Sara, still in bed, still naked, and still going at it. They compare themselves to those other star-cross’d lovers, Romeo and Juliet, although I suspect Sara thinks a Capulet is something you take for a hangover.
Whitney says, “It’s like I’m sneaking out on one family to go yon window breaks to the other.”
I don’t remember Juliet wearing heels and a thong, do you?
After they find the motivation to get vertical and go outside, Whitney and Sara check out that other hotbed of lesbian activity: a dog park. Across an expanse of poop and soggy tennis balls, is Whitney’s ex and current houseguest, Rachel, who’s also out for her morning constitution. She spies the two of them and puts it together; they’ve been hooking up. This park suddenly has two bitches, too many.
Rachel leaves without confronting Whitney. Clearly, no one has explained how this show works to Rachel.
Meanwhile, Claire is busy creating her groundbreaking lesbian publication because, “a lot of people still think we’re these Birkenstock-wearing girls.” Who? Who are these people? Everyone knows Chely Wright, Amber Heard, Ellen and Portia all prefer Tevas.
Old stereotype or not, Claire is going to rid the known world of mandals, one fashion photo at a time, all from her laptop.
Back at the most popular Real L Word location, LAX, Sajdah is picking up a straight friend from college named Marissa. Sajdah says she wants Marissa’s trip to “not be completely gay.” Good luck with that.
Sajdah can’t wait to tell Marissa all about Chanel. She says she might be stalking her, but ya know, just a little bit. She also gives Marissa a lesbian tutorial.
Sajdah: I’m saying, lesbians fall in love in all of 30 minutes.
Sajdah: ‘Cause you don’t have that nigga that’s being cool and pacing himself. And he got eight other bitches on the side… that doesn’t exist.
Is that supposed to be a good thing? What on earth is Marissa thinking behind her sunglasses? She sensibly tells Sajdah not to put all her eggs in one basket, just because Chanel has amazing eyelashes. Seriously. Keep them in your ovaries where they belong.
Elsewhere, Cori and Kacy are eating pizza and figuring out their next move because friend-o Brent doesn’t want to be their sperm donor anymore. Corcy are as obsessed with sperm as Ahab was obsessed with sperm whales, except in their case, any Dick will do. Call me Ishmael.
Kacy is still having trouble understanding why no one wants to accommodate them. It’s just sperm. You’re not using it. Why can’t she just have it? What is the big friggin’ deal?
Could it be that giving someone your seed is an important decision? I don’t even loan out my DVDs.