Don’t worry. They got this.
Kacy: We could take [a dildo] that looked reasonable-sized, and like, drill a hole in the middle and just kind of, shove it in.
Cori: My thinking is that we would get a straw, funnel it in there, and then, kinda like, uh, what do you call it? Spit ball? You would—
Kacy: Spit wad?
Cori: You would stick it in there, I don’t know, and then, you just go [blows].
This is what happens when you let the femme engineer something.
I can see it now. Lit candles, two empty wine glasses. “Rolling in the Deep” quietly sets the rhythm in the background. A thong, a pair of boxers and an empty Home Depot bag on the floor. Cory is legs akimbo, with her hips on a pillow. Kacy is wearing a dildo on her face. The straw is full. It’s time to shoot sperm into her beloved. Kacy takes a deep breath and … accidently inhales the semen. Very romantic.
I hope they try. I would love to see them try to drill a six inch hole through silicon with a Makita. And if they pull it off, I will give them a thousand dollars to name their baby MacGyver.
Afterwards, they go out to dinner, where Kacy assures Cori that she’ll always love her vagina, even if it goes horribly, irreparably awry after the birthing process.
Meanwhile. Sajdah is dirty dancing with Chanel at The Palms, a lesbian bar so old, Calamity Jane used to be the bartender. But it seems like things are looking up at the ol’ Hairy Palms, and for Sajdah, as well.
Outside, Chanel gives our stud a hug, a giggle and an “I think I like you.” Sajdah can’t help but grin like a loon. They hug it out.
Remember Claire? Yeah, me neither. But Francine remembers. She comes home to find her ex sitting on her couch. They retreat to the backyard, where Francine asks the $100,000 question: Why are you here? Duh. We’ve been over this. This is where we keep the internet.
Francine practically dares Claire to admit she’s only in LA to be on television.
Claire: You know why I’m here.
Claire: Because I wanted to leave New York.
Francine: [bemused and droll] But you have a girlfriend. Why are you in LA? This is awkward. If you’re in love with a girl, why are you here?
Claire tries to dredge up some drama by yelling, but her acting is so piss poor, I feel like I’m watching a high school play. Francine calmly tells Claire that she’s being selfish and dishonest and hurting people’s feelings by trying to have her cake and eat it, too.
Whitney called. She wants her shtick back.
It’s past 4:00AM in New York, and Romi and Kelsey are good and drunk. They cab it back to their hotel, where it looks like Kelsey’s sexual dry spell is about to end.
Maybe next time. And be sure to wink at the TSA screener while your carry-on is going through x-ray. They love that.