“The Real L Word” minicap: Episode Two “Game On!”


Couple of the Year, Rose and Natalie, are getting ready to celebrate their seven-month anniversary. Why month-to-month celebrations? Natalie half-jokes she isn’t sure they’re going to make it to eight. At dinner, some flowers arrive at the table for Natalie. From the look on Rose’s face, they’re clearly not from her. When a TV production company is more thoughtful than your actual girlfriend is, it’s time to reassess your choices.

Natalie admires the bouquet and dreams about her future wedding, prompting Rose to ask, "To who?" Awesome.

They raise their glasses and toast to love, their love, and specifically, Rose’s love. Rose reminds Natalie, "You’re lucky you got it." Check, please.

Let’s go to Whitney’s. While Tor is in the kitchen, Whitney is in the backyard on her phone, telling Romi how irresistible she is. Alyssa steps outside to give Whitney the stink eye. She tell her to stop dissing her poor cousin, and get in the damn house. Whitney’s only concern is whether Tor can hear her Romi convo. After Alyssa shakes her head in disgust and goes back inside, Whitney looks right at the camera and smirks.

What a dreamboat. No pushing, girls.

Rose and Natalie get home and immediately start getting busy. Yes, Natalie is easily seduced by wine, mashed potatoes and flowers from associate producers. She straddles Rose and starts kissing her giant face. There’s a ridiculous amount of slurping and smacking going on. When straights ask what we do in bed, apparently the answer is clean each other’s teeth.

The next day, Whitney and Alyssa are back to work, creating a mold for a horror movie. For no reason in particular, Whitney mentions she was once temporarily blinded and paralyzed by a vaccine she received in New York. Is that what we’re calling tequila now?

We’re back at the airport! This time, Nikki and Jill are there to pick up Jill’s dear and gay-looking friend, Derek. Immediately, things feel ominous when Derek and Jill won’t stop holding hands in the car and she jokes he’ll be expected to take his shirt off later and show off his tattoos. And she’ll takes hers off, too, if that helps! Nikki stares out of the car window.

Jill says she’s "desperate" for Derek to move to LA, any girl would be lucky to have him, and they might have had feelings for each other in the past. Burying any hint of emotion, Nikki says with visibly careful calm that she can’t compete with a man.

Two words: Pre and nup.

Rose’s dad pays her a visit to gently ask her to grow the eff up already. He wants her to stop drinking so much and settle down with Natalie. Rose has no interest in that blah blah. Life is good! Calling friends "dude" and "bitch," screaming come-ons at random girls to impress your crew, doing shots with your homies. It’s about community, really.

I’m not sure what’s going on here, but Whitney seems to have slept with every girl that ever emerged from Baggage Claim, and has moved on to chimps.

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