“The Real L Word” minicap 108: “Runway Bride”

 
 

Later that night, Rose is getting a dose of her own medicine: Natalie still hasn’t come home. Rose goes out to bring Natalie back from her mother’s house, saying, with a grin, "I’ll probably have to do some major, Oscar Award-winning acting." Is it really that hard to show a speck of humanity? Rose thinks "contrition" is that thing women get when they go into labor.

Once Rose arrives, she finds Natalie wearing pajama pants, looking as if she’s been on a 20-hour crying jag. See? Rose really can make girls cry in bed. Natalie wants to know how Rose can drop everything to see Angel. Rose says, "I went to go be with myself and, like, take care of me for a second … Which I never do."

Is this the dream sequence of her acting?

Natalie doesn’t want to feel bad any longer. She tells Rose she can not just disappear anymore, because it makes her imagine crazy things. She gives Rose a half-hearted smack on the head, packs up her jammies and delusions, and goes home with the nominee for Best Actress in a Lesbian Drama.

While Whitney and Alyssa abandon a shopping cart full of creamed corn next to a dumpster, Mikey is gushing over her gallery visitor, Heather Locklear. Nothing makes a celebrity feel old like an adult saying "I had the biggest crush on you, when I was a kid."

Heather has brought her expressionless, world-weary, 12-year-old daughter, Ava Sambora, to model Richie Sambora‘s clothing line. Ava gets some runway tips from a real model, as Heather and Mikey watch with pride. Heather’s proud of her daughter’s telegenic genes and smiles. I think. Hard to tell with all that Botox and collagen packed under her skin. Mikey shouts encouragement at Ava with wild, obsequious exuberance, as if the mere act of walking deserves an MTV award. Actually, there probably is one.

Suddenly, there’s a commotion at the door. It’s Raquel, blowing into the room on a whirlwind of energy, a fistful of balloons bobbling happily over her head. Heather, her hands folded in front of her, quietly takes a step to the side. It takes a certain kind of woman to upstage Heather Locklear.

It takes a "tranny."

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